The Tracks of Her Tears

I finally found a movie that made my daughter cry. And I can’t even tell you how happy that makes me! I was beginning to think there was more of The Loser in her than I would’ve liked, since she sat through “Steel Magnolias,” “Beaches,” and even “Turner and Hooch” without shedding a single tear (I, on the other hand, blubbered like a fool during every viewing). I mean, come on!! Did this child have a stone heart? To remain indifferent when Sally Field bemoans the loss of Julia Roberts? To not even flinch as Bette Midler sings “The Wind Beneath My Wings?” To not even whimper when poor Hooch meets his maker? Oddly enough, it was not death that caused the dam to break, it was the heartache of unrequited love.

I made this discovery quite by accident on Sunday night. We had had a very busy weekend, and I was trying to distract her from the computer (damn AIM!) and wind her down for the night. So I started looking through the movies I had saved on my tivo. Lo and behold, right between “Ellen Degeneres” and “General Hospital” was “Forrest Gump!” I hadn’t seen that movie in YEARS and decided that it would be worth a shot to turn it on and see if Lexie was interested. Well, she was. TOTALLY. She actually turned off the computer and snuggled up next to me on the couch. She smiled at his simple but genuine personality, and laughed at his innocence and naïveté. And she was enthralled with his friendship with Jenny.

I noticed the first tear when Forrest went to visit Jenny in college, and she was with another guy. I tried to be nonchalant, but I couldn’t help smiling and Lexie caught me. “Shut up, mom!” she said, wiping away the offending droplet. The pattern continued with every letter he mailed her during his time in Vietnam, every comment he made about his perfect Jenny. Each time Jenny shot him down, Lexie cried. “I’d date him, mom,” she said earnestly. “He’s such a good person!”

And I’m sure she would, too. Lexie was able to see the Forrest that Jenny took for granted, and felt the same pain Forrest felt each time she slipped away. I can only hope that she continues to root for the nice guys and look beyond the surface. When Jenny died at the end, and Forrest stood talking to her at her grave, I think she cried more than I did.

“It’s not fair,” she said between sobs. “Why did it take her so long to realize how much he loved her?” I didn’t have an answer for that one. Because I saw a lot of myself in Jenny, someone always trying to be someone she’s not, looking for the bad boys and the adventure instead of seeing what was right in front of her face. I had my own Forrest before I dated Kevin, a great guy named Bobby Joe who bent over backwards to make me happy. He always knew the right things to say, listened to my problems and fears, made me laugh whenever I was down. But I never even considered dating him, because he was Bobby Joe. Not my type. A good friend, that was all. Funny thing is, all these years later, I’ve come to realize that what I’m looking for in my “perfect man” is everything Bobby Joe had been – and he was right in front of my face. I wonder how different my life would’ve been if I hadn’t taken Bobby Joe for granted almost twenty years ago…

Amazing how perceptive my ten-year-old is. I hope she never overlooks her Forrest or Bobby Joe. But for some reason, I have a feeling she won’t. She just doesn’t have it in her to be mean or hurtful, intentionally or otherwise. And again – yay for the tears! My daughter is human after all!

And on a side note – on Sunday I was at a friend’s house for a kid’s birthday party. Her brother was there, someone I hadn’t seen in many, many years. He asked me what I’ve been doing, and for the first time EVER I responded, “Well, I’m in the middle of writing a book.” Saying that felt good. I only hope I didn’t jinx myself…