Accusations & Lies

Ok, how ironic is it that barely a week after I wrote this little gem, the shit hits the fan? And I SWEAR I had nothing to do with it personally.

I am still waiting for my copy of the book to arrive, while in the meantime apparently millions of people will be returning theirs.

My take on this whole James Frey situation? I am pissed off. I am hurt. It makes me sick to my stomach, to be honest. Because as someone who has been there, it really bothers me. So many people commented after I wrote my tongue-in-cheek blog about Mr. Frey beating me to the punch that I was amazed. And interested. I was really looking forward to reading his book. I still am, but now it’s for a different reason. Originally I really wanted to hear his horrific yet amazing story. I wanted to know just how far he fell before he was able to get back up – and indeed, how he DID manage to get up. Because I know. And I know there is at least one other person who reads my blog who knows as well, and people like us, well, we love hearing stories of people who have made it through. It’s inspiring, and it makes us realize that we’re not alone, and that the shit we did that we thought was so horrible – well, there are other people out there who have done just as bad and sometimes worse. And they have learned to accept it and move on. Not forgetting their past, mind you, but learning from it – and vowing not to repeat it.

What Mr. Frey did (or shall I say, “is accused of doing,” because I feel compelled to give him the benefit of the doubt, despite all the mounting evidence against him) is really not that surprising for an addict. He lied. Hell, I lied. A lot. Back in the day, I could lie to you while looking you dead in the eye and believe it myself. But now? Not so much. And certainly not about something like this. Something that people all around the country have been holding onto, desperately seeking answers about loved ones in the throes of addiction, or about themselves, something that gave people the hope to “hold on” as Mr. Frey said, because if he had survived through all those 400+ pages of hell and is still around to talk about it – well, then, certainly your brother/sister/son/daughter/parent/friend can. Or YOU can.

But it’s not true. At least, not all of it. And I, for one, feel really… well, betrayed, I guess. Why would someone do that? Why in God’s name would anyone feel the need to embellish to that extent and climb on their soapbox extolling their virtuous rise from the ashes? Anyone who has lived through an addiction can tell you, everyone has their own bottom. Some worse than others. But that doesn’t make anyone’s situation any “easier” or “better.” Just because I personally never spent any time in jail doesn’t mean my life while using was any better than the convicted dealer’s. As an addict, you live in your own personal hell. There is no need to exaggerate. Just the fact that you are an addict is horrifying enough.

Most of you are regular readers, and are familiar with my “TBOTE” saga. Well, I want to go on record as saying that yes, this is a true story – to the extent of which I remember. In other words, if this ever were to actually get published, I would certainly include a disclaimer stating that it is a “novel based on factual events.” I try to be as honest as possible – but the fact is when you are on drugs you don’t always remember everything EXACTLY as it happened. Obviously, conversations and some minor events may have been the product of some literary license. BUT – I would never add a three month jail term or several arrests that never happened or (and this one is bad) the guilt over the death of a person I had no verifiable relation to… I write what actually happened, and only add minor details that may not be 100% accurate. Besides being disappointing, I find lies like those just plain stupid. How can you think that no one would ever find out?

Mr. Frey is scheduled to be on Larry King Live tonight, and I am very interested to see what he says. If he did lie, I want him to come clean and admit it. Like I said, I still plan on reading the book. I won’t even return it when I’m done. I just wish he would’ve thought this whole thing through before classifying his work as “nonfiction.” Yes, it packed a more powerful punch that way, but if it is as good as everyone says, he probably could’ve done just as well publishing it as a “novel based on factual events.”

Which mine will be. No surprise lies in “TBOTE,” I promise. But I’m pretty sure after this whole James Frey debacle, Oprah won’t have me on even if I ever DO get published. Bummer.