EVIL COMPUTER PEOPLE

I am MAD. I am less mad than I was last night, though, because last night I was FURIOUS. Furious to the point where you feel the blood throbbing in your head and you want to smash something, but you know that it's probably not a good idea. Now generally, I do not get mad very easily. It takes a lot. But when I am pushed, or feel I am being wronged, LOOK OUT. And last night I was both.

So here's the thing - I bought a brand new computer, flat-screen monitor and printer about two weeks ago. A store that we shall call "BB" for sake of privacy (yeah, I know, no one will figure THAT out!) had an online special, and with the rebates, I got a really good deal. It was still a big chunk of change, though, and I had already totally wasted about $300 on the damn "Geek Squad" trying to get my old old old computer repaired - which it never was. And THEY claim they did what they were paid to do, and that it wasn't their fault my computer was so old. (Side Note - I hate the Geek Squad. Not the employees, they were nice, but the company. I feel TOTALLY ripped off by them, sent a letter to that effect, and was completely IGNORED. Jerks.) As a single mom with only myself for income (see The Loser) I don't make big purchases often. But I thought this was a good thing, and I was really happy and excited.

So the monitor and printer arrived before the actual computer, and I decided I would hook up the monitor to my old computer to check it out. It was pretty cool, especially after being so used to my humungous old 100 pound monitor. Lexie played on the internet for a little while, then we turned it off for the night. Next morning, I try to turn it on, and NOTHING. The damn monitor won't turn on. I unplug it and plug it back in - NOTHING. Plug it into a different outlet - NOTHING. Check the surge protector - it's fine. The computer itself works, the speakers work, but the stupid monitor WILL NOT GO ON. So, I call the tech line for the company that starts with one of the first five letters of the alphabet and ends with a word that rhymes with "Plachines" and tell them the problem. The girl on the other end was friendly and polite, and tells me that it sounds like there is some malfunction in the connection wires or something. She says I can either a) ship the monitor back to them, have them repair it or replace it and then they will ship it back to me, or b) let them put a $99 hold on a credit card and they will immediately ship a new monitor to me, and also provide me with a box to ship the defective one back in. I opt for b, because I really didn't want to wait for the whole repair process.

As she was taking my information, I suddenly realized I did, in fact, have another option. "Can't I just take it back to BB?" I asked, actually feeling kind of stupid for not thinking of that originally. "Of course!" she told me. "But if they give you any problems, you can always call us back. It is, after all, under warranty."

So yay! I pack it up and bring it with me to work, deciding to go to BB during lunch.

Which I do. And when I explain the situation to the guy at the return counter, he tells me to go get a new one, and they will have their tech look at mine. When I return with the new monitor, the guy at the counter informs me, "Your monitor works fine." WHAT?? But it wouldn't go on at my house! "Well, it's working now." I told him then YOU keep that one and re-sell it, and I'll just take this nice new one here. "We can't allow you to do that." I ask what happens if I bring it home and it won't work again. Can I bring it back? "No, we don't accept returns a second time. It's already been scanned in the system as a cancelled return, and if you try to bring it back after we found it to be working..." he trailed off, and I could easily fill in the implication: "If you try to bring it back, we'll think YOU did something to it." Frustrated and angry, I left BB. I tried thinking of what could be wrong. Maybe I need a new surge protector. Yeah, maybe that's it. I decide to buy one on my way home and hope that it works. If not, well that nice lady at EM said I could still ship it back to them and get a new one.

SO, new surge protector in hand, I once again set up the monitor. Plug it in, press the button, voila! It goes on! I breathe a sigh of relief and thank the computer gods. Until I am in the middle of checking e-mails just about five minutes later and POOF! The monitor shuts off. And it WILL NOT go on again. DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! The thing is obviously defective. And now I can't even bring it back to BB. So, I call EM again.

Different tech, same information. Before he can totally explain the process, though, I tell him I've already been through this this morning, and I want the new monitor shipped right away. He says fine, we can do that, I'll just need your credit card number for the hold. Done, and done. He tells me a new monitor will be shipped right away, and they will also ship a box at the same time for me to ship back the defective monitor. Wonderful. Thank you for your help, sir, you're welcome ma'am, have a great day.

This was last Thursday. On Monday, I receive a FedEx package. It is an empty box. With a shipping label. Obviously to return the broken monitor. But I wonder where my new one is, after all, I have the hold on my account because I wanted the new one right away. So I call EM. "I am so sorry, they should have been shipped together. It looks like your new monitor should be arriving within the next few days." Well, ok. As long as the new monitor has been shipped, I'll just go ahead and send this one back. "Great. Yes, you will definitely have your new monitor soon. Again, I apologize." No problem.

Ship the new monitor on Tuesday. And wait. And wait. On Thursday, I call EM again. Where's my new monitor? I shipped the other one on Tuesday. And I had a hold on my account so I could get the new one RIGHT AWAY. It's been a week. "So sorry, ma'am. It looks like that new monitor was shipped yesterday, you should get it in 3-5 business days." But I thought it was going to be shipped LAST THURSDAY! I was told I would be returning the defective monitor at the same time I received my NEW one! Why bother with the hold if it wasn't sent out until after you received the old one? "Sorry, ma'am. There was apparently a mixup or something. You should be getting it soon." ARRRRGGHH! But ok. The new monitor was on its way.

Surprise, surprise, yesterday I get a package from EM. I was thrilled. New monitor just in time for the weekend! But wait a minute... "REFURBISHED?" Why does the box say "refurbished?" I was supposed to be getting a NEW monitor... Shrug it off, shrug it off, it's probably just a new monitor that they just fixed or something. Maybe they even fixed the old one and just sent it back. I vow to my coworker that if I get home and this monitor is defective in ANY WAY, EM will be in deep doo-doo.

So I remove the old monitor at home, and open the new monitor's plain brown "refurbished" box. Inside is a COMPLETELY different monitor than the one I bought. When I check the model number on the back, I find out that not only does he damn thing have scrapes and scratches all over it, it is an older model they don't even MAKE anymore. They sent me an E15T3 - I purchased an E15T4. There is no instruction booklet in the box, and then I notice there is ALSO no power cord enclosed. So even if I WANTED to use it, I COULDN'T. Begin first stage of fury.

I call EM, and calmly but angrily explained the situation. That I was SUPPOSED to get a NEW monitor, and I received an OLD REFURBISHED monitor that wasn't even the same model as the one I returned. That I had a hold on my credit card account to assure the return of the OLD monitor while I waited for my NEW monitor. Then a thought occurred to me - was there a misunderstanding, and maybe this monitor was sent while they fixed my old one? And that they would ship MY monitor back when it was repaired?

No, that's not what they do, I was told. The monitor I received was to replace the defective one. BUT IT'S NOT A NEW MONITOR! "Umm, in the warranty, it says we can replace a defective product with a comparable replacement." THIS ISN'T "COMPARABLE!" IT'S AN OUTDATED MODEL! "Oh, you mean it's not the same model as the one you sent?" NO!!! "Oh, that's strange. I've never heard of that before... let me talk to a supervisor..." OH, AND??? THERE IS NO POWER CORD. HOW CAN I USE THIS WITH NO POWER CORD?? "Really? Well, did you send all the accessories to us when you sent us your monitor?" Yessss, I sent EVERYTHING back. "You shouldn't have done that. You were supposed to KEEP the accessories to use with your replacement." Ok, but IT'S NOT EVEN THE SAME MODEL. THE ACCESSORIES WOULDN'T HAVE WORKED ON THIS ONE, ANYWAY! "Ok, ma'am? Hold on, I'm going to get you a supervisor." THANK YOU!!!

Hold hold hold. Finally, I'm thinking, I am going to get somewhere. This will be resolved as soon as I talk to a supervisor. Because I am SURE this company did not INTENTIONALLY send me a crappy outdated monitor to replace the BRAND NEW $280 monitor I had purchased less than two weeks before.

Guess what? They sure as hell did. The supervisor got on the phone and read me the damn warranty. Had the nerve to tell me "We can replace your monitor with ANYTHING WE WANT." I told him I wanted the monitor, MY monitor, that I had shipped them, returned to me. His answer? "No. It's not yours anymore, it's OURS. We sent you a replacement." I said I'll send you back your crappy monitor, and I don't even care if mine still doesn't work - I WANT IT BACK. "NO. No. No. No. We don't have to do ANYTHING." (Said in an annoyingly singsong voice, may I add.) THIS GODDAMNED MONITOR DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A POWER CORD!!! "So, I'll send you a power cord." I DON'T WANT THE POWER CORD, I WANT MY OLD MONITOR BACK!! "It's not YOUR monitor anymore. You have YOUR monitor." You DO realize that this is basically thievery, don't you? I mean, I spent $280 on this monitor TWO WEEKS AGO and you sent me a monitor worth less than $100. "That's YOUR opinion. The warranty states we can replace it with whatever we want." THIS IS FRAUD!! I DON'T CARE WHAT THE WARRANTY SAYS, I WAS TOLD I WAS GETTING SHIPPED A NEW MONITOR!! "Well, you weren't." SO I WAS LIED TO??? "That's your opinion." I WANT MY F$#@ING MONITOR BACK!!! "No." SEND ME MY F^%$ING MONITOR BACK!!!!!!! "No. No, no no." I'LL SUE YOU!!! "Whatever. But I'm not sending your monitor back. It's OUR monitor now." This guy was so smug, and arrogant and condescending - almost PROUD of himself for pulling this shit. I couldn't believe it.

I wound up hanging up on him because I was afraid I was going to burst a blood vessel in my brain. Like a wild animal, I was panting and my eyes were bulging out of my head. I think I scared Lexie. But I WAS PISSED. No way did I just get ripped off by that damn company. After doing some searching on Google, I found the number for the corporate office. See, they don't put the number for corporate on their website, probably because they don't want people to complain about being RIPPED OFF. So I will call them Monday morning. If they will do nothing, I will file for arbitration, as is indicated in their STUPID warranty. I can't imagine an arbitrator thinking it is ok to be given a crappy monitor to replace a brand new one. Maybe if it was the same damn model number - but it isn't. I WILL PREVAIL, EM. YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE MESSING WITH. AND ASSHOLE SUPERVISOR, YOUR ASS IS MINE. DON'T THINK I WON'T DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO GET YOU FIRED. Maybe I'll ask for a meeeeellion dollars in damages. Probably not, though. All I really want is my pretty brand new monitor. Or my money back.

I HATE EM.