The Beginning of the End, Part 26

I wasn't sure how I felt when we left the police station. I was glad to have ID'd my attacker, but my meeting with Nancy Lewis left me shaken. I wasn't a bad person, but the questions she implied the defense would be asking could certainly make me out to LOOK like one. Kevin picked up on my apprehension, and when we got in the cab to return home, he turned to me.

"You don't have to go through with this, you know," he said quietly.

I shrugged, then sighed. "I know. But if I don't, he'll walk."

Kevin's jaw clenched, and he stared straight ahead. "I can take care of it."

My heart skipped a beat. The last thing I wanted was for Kevin to get himself in trouble. "No," I said firmly, as Kevin continued not to face me. "Kev, look at me!" He turned his head slowly, and I could see the pain and anger in his eyes. "We'll do this the right way. I can deal with it. As long as you're here with me. This is not your battle, it's mine."

"Like hell it's not!" he replied, his voice low with fury. "You're my girlfriend. I love you. I should've been there. I wasn't. And he... He..."

I hugged him tightly. "It's not your fault. Just like it's not mine. We'll just do as Nancy says, and we'll get through this. We'll put him away, and we'll get through this."

The cab pulled up to our motel, and I saw Marc sitting on the curb outside our room smoking a cigarette. "Don't tell him, Kev," I said, slightly panicked. "I don't want him to know yet."

Kevin was paying the cab driver. "Why not?" he asked. "He's our friend. Plus, he going to want to know where we were."

"We can tell him we went out to a friend's house last night, and just came home today. That they picked us up then, but we took a cab home."

Kevin looked at me skeptically. "Please," I implored. "I'll tell him, just not yet."

"Fine," he said. "Damn, I need to get our car fixed."

When Kevin slammed the cab door, Marc looked up. He grinned and started walking toward us. "Hey guys! Where were you?"

I looked at Kevin, who shrugged. "Went out to one of her friend's houses last night and just crashed."

Marc sidled up to us. "Oh, party time last night, then? Guess I'll be on my way. I mean, I'm sure you're not up for more partying," he said mockingly.

After everything that had happened, all I wanted to do at that moment was forget. Forget everything. Just get high, feel that rush, and forget. More than ever before.

"Oh, I think we are," I said, trying to flash a convincing smile. I opened the door to the room and caught a glimpse of Schmauser's tail as he dove under the bed.

Marc laughed and walked in after me. Kevin came in last and shut the door. I tossed the room key on the dresser and watched Marc pull out his stash. The familiar feeling overcame me, the anticipation of the high. I went to the nightstand and got out our supplies. Kevin was already sitting in his "cooking chair," and Marc was preparing his fix.

As wrong as I knew it was, it was comforting in a strange way to be a part of our partying ritual. It was what I knew, what I was familiar with, and I also knew that as soon as I took that first hit, I would be ok. Temporarily, at least. I knew the demons I had to face wouldn't go away quietly, but for now I wanted to just ignore them.

"Ready?" Kevin asked. I nodded as he passed me a nice sized rock and I put it into the pipe. The sizzling of the crack was a welcome sound, and as the smoke filled my lungs I became someone else. Someone who wasn't a victim, someone who wasn't broken. I closed my eyes and allowed the feeling to swallow me.

The sound of the front door opening and closing snapped my eyes open. Marc, I thought.

"You ok, babe?" Kevin asked.

"Never better," I replied. "Got another?"

"Just so happens, I do. Marc came well prepared tonight. We're gonna owe him big time."

"Yeah, whatever," I muttered. The future wasn't a concern at that moment. But I knew it would be when I came back down. So I had decided to stay as high as I could for as long as I could - thank God for Marc. I didn't have to worry about work for a while, but I knew I would have to go back eventually. I also knew that I had to meet with Nancy again in two weeks. But the knowledge was becoming gloriously fuzzy as I took another hit.

Tomorrow, I thought. I'll think things through tomorrow.