The Beginning of the End, Part XII

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Sucker punched. Kevin still stood in front of me holding the pipe, oblivious to my conflicting feelings. Part of me was so angry at him for doing this, when we were supposed to be starting over, but part of me wanted that hit so bad. My inner conflict continued for what seemed like forever, but was actually only a few seconds. Oh, come on. You’re being ridiculous. A little partying, so what? And now you’re on your own. No more sneaking into the house and trying to play ‘straight’ for the parents. Get as high as you want. You can handle it. And you can stop anytime you want…
I took the pipe from his outstretched hand, and he lit the end for me. As I felt the smoke fill my lungs, the rush hit me like a tidal wave. I closed my eyes and held the pipe out to Kevin. It was like welcoming back an old friend. One that you knew better than to hang out with, but a friend nonetheless. When I exhaled and opened my eyes, Kevin was watching me with a grin. “What did I tell you?” he said.

He was right. The rush was more intense than I had remembered. Or maybe it WAS the same, and I had forgotten. Either way, having been away from the drug for so long it was like the very first time all over again. And damn, it felt good. We each did a few more hits, and Kevin started to tell me all about the “new friends” he had made in my absence. (One thing I learned early – addicts ALWAYS find other addicts. You can’t run from the disease. No matter how hard you try.) It apparently didn’t take Kevin long to run into some Colombian guys who pretty much ran things in Reno. There were two main “gangs,” and Kevin managed to find an in with each of them. So he now had two sources available any time of the day or night – and according to him, partying was cheaper in Reno, too.

I listened to Kevin and knew I should be more upset with him, but I wasn’t. All my plans of a happy, clean life were forgotten. I was convinced that being high was being happy, at least for now, and really, who was I hurting? We had a home, I had a job lined up, so what if we let loose now and then? No biggie.

Matt came home shortly thereafter. He took one look at Kevin and I and started to laugh. “So, she’s okay with the partying?”

I tried to give him a dirty look, but it came out more like a half-assed smile. “I’m ok,” I replied. “Just as long as we keep things under control.”

Matt glanced over at Kevin who gave a subtle shrug. “I told her things are ALWAYS under control,” Kevin quipped.

“Whatever,” Matt retorted. “Look, we’ve got to be on the road soon. I told Jim and Sandy we’d be there by seven, and it’s already after five. It’s not a ten minute drive, you know.”

Kevin and I had completely forgotten the plans Matt had made for us to drive out to Carson City.

“Shit!” Kevin exclaimed, jumping off the barstool. “I need to get in the shower.”

I was starting to come down from my high, and went into the bedroom to go through my clothes. “How long before we have to leave?” I called out to Matt.

“About twenty minutes,” he responded.

Now it was MY turn to think ‘shit.’ I could hear the shower running in the bathroom, and knew that there was no way I would have time for one after Kevin was done. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, changed clothes, and spritzed myself with some perfume, hoping I wasn’t really as rancid as I felt from the plane ride and the partying. I had no idea who these people were, but I still wanted to make a good impression.

When the twenty minutes were up, the three of us headed for the door. Kevin sensed my nervousness, and kissed me on the forehead. “Don’t worry, babe, you look great,” he reassured me.

When we got to the car, Matt had already opened the passenger door and was holding the seat back. I looked over at Kevin, and he shot Matt a look. “Oh, no, bud,” he said, “you know my girl gets shotgun.”

Matt grudgingly climbed in the back, and muttered something about Kevin being whipped. I smiled to myself and got in the passenger seat. Kevin gunned the engine, and we were off.

It was a breezy night, and we rolled down all the windows to take advantage of the desert air. There were less streetlights in northern Nevada, even on the highways. And less cars, too. We rode in silence, with Matt occasionally giving directions to Kevin. My crack high was gone, and now I was high on just being here. Of just breathing the air and listening to the purr of the engine and knowing I was with the love of my life. I was happy, and I wasn’t even worried about the partying. That was only a small part of our lives anyway. We had so much more between us.

We finally came to a stop in front of a modest brick home with flowers growing along the walkway. Very Norman Rockwell-ish. Matt rang the doorbell, and the man who answered the door grabbed him in a big bear hug. “Dude!” he said, “I can’t believe you’re finally here!”

He then came up to Kevin and I and shook our hands. He was probably about our age, a good-looking guy with a friendly smile. “Sandy is inside with the baby,” he said. “Come on in.”

We walked into a small foyer and Jim led us into the living room. The couches looked comfortable, and the tv was playing music videos. An antique desk sat majestically in the corner. It was a very welcoming room, and I felt right at home. Jim told us to have a seat, and then called Sandy.

A pretty, petite woman walked in holding a tiny bundle. “This is my wife, Sandy,” Jim said, taking the baby from her arms, “and THIS is my angel, Melody.”

That little girl was the sweetest thing I had seen in a long time. She was probably only a couple months old, and her big blue eyes were having a hard time staying open. Jim let me hold her, and as I did, I imagined that she was MY baby, and that this was MY house, and that Kevin and I were living the “happily ever after.” I was shaken from my daydream when Sandy took Melody back, and informed us that she had to tuck her in for the night. “Now, you guys behave,” she said with a smile, as she went upstairs with the baby.

I sat back down on the couch, as Jim pulled a small plastic bag from one of the desk drawers. “All right, so everyone’s ready for one?” he asked.

I looked at Kevin with confusion, and Jim caught my look. “Silver stars,” he explained. “If you don’t want one…”

“No, it’s not that,” I stammered. “I mean, of course I want one.”

I tried to see what exactly Jim had, all I knew for sure was that it wasn’t coke. As Jim fiddled with the contents, Kevin leaned over and whispered in my ear, “It’s acid. No biggie. You said you tried ’shrooming before, right? Pretty much the same thing. But this is a little stronger, so you should probably only take half.”

Although I HAD tried mushrooms in the past, acid was a new one to me. When I tried the mushrooms, I was at the beach with some old friends. We had a blast that day, because everything seemed more colorful, more funny, more real. The mushrooms seemed to only intensify feelings you already had, not create new ones. A little harmless fun that lasted a couple hours. But I DID enjoy it, so I figured I’d give the acid a try.

Jim handed me a little piece of paper with a star on it, and Kevin took it out of my hands and carefully ripped it in half. Jim looked at him questioningly. “It’s her first time,” Kevin explained. “Don’t want her to overdo it.” Jim smiled and nodded, then gave Kevin one as well.

Kevin took his and placed it on his tongue. He then gave me my half and placed the other half in his shirt pocket. I put it on my tongue and felt the paper melt away. Matt and Jim had done theirs as well. The three guys began talking about guy things, and I sat and waited. And waited. Nothing was happening. After about ten minutes, Kevin got up to go to the bathroom. I used this opportunity and approached Jim.

“Hey,” I whispered, hoping Matt wasn’t listening. “That half Kevin gave me – I don’t think it’s working. I mean –”

Jim held up his hand and cut me off. “Say no more,” he replied, palming me another small piece of paper. “This one’s on me.”

I casually moved my hand up to my mouth and inserted the new hit. It melted away just as Kevin returned. He walked up to me and asked, “You feeling anything yet?”

When I shook my head, he said, “Well, then, I guess you’d be all right if you took this. Here.”

He pulled out the second half of my original hit. I didn’t want him to know that I had already gotten another one from Jim, so I obligingly took it and let it melt away as the others did. “You’ll be feeling something soon, I’m sure,” Kevin said confidently.

I was pretty sure of it too.

After another half hour went by, and Sandy came back downstairs, casually mentioning that it was getting late. Kevin, Matt and I took the hint, said our goodbyes, and headed for the door. As we left the house, I felt a strange buzzing in my head. Matt was once again holding the passenger seat forward, only this time I got into the back seat without complaining. Something was DEFINITELY starting to happen…