The Beginning of the End, Part 29

I woke up the day after Christmas with conflicted feelings. I was leaving in the afternoon, going back to Reno, back to Kevin. As much as I loved being home, I missed Kevin more. I just didn’t feel right anymore, I felt like an impostor sleeping in the old Dasi’s bed, living with the old Dasi’s family. Kevin had called as promised on Christmas Eve, and my heart melted when I heard his voice. He told me he hadn’t heard anything from Nancy, and that he missed me. He was going to work both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, which meant a hefty paycheck would be forthcoming. A check we would no doubt use on partying. After a couple minutes of small talk, we both were quiet.

“I love you, you know,” I whispered into the phone.

“I love you too,” he replied. “You ARE coming back, right?” he asked, probably only half-joking.

“Of course,” I assured him. “And you’d BETTER be on time to pick me up!”

We hung up the phone and for a while, all I could think about was getting back to Reno. I managed to put everything out of my mind later on that night during dinner and the traditional gift-giving, and was even able to joke around and laugh with my parents and brother on Christmas Day as we lounged around doing nothing special. But now, lying in my bed in Chicago, I was again itching to get back.

I heard the familiar jingle of tags, and laughed as Snuffy joined me on my bed, tail wagging. Every morning since I was ten the little schnoodle had greeted me in my bed, and since I had been home, he acted like I had never even been gone. I petted him with a smile and he laid down and looked at me with his big brown eyes. He was an old dog now, and the only one in my family who really knew ALL my secrets.

“Oh, Snuffy,” I sighed. “I’ve really made a mess of things. I wish I could stop, but I can’t. Or I don’t want to, I don’t know. I DO love Kevin, but sometimes I wonder if our life will ever be normal.”

Snuffy let out a whimper, and nudged closer, as if he were trying to console me. I had to laugh.

“You silly mutt. I love you too. And I think I’ll figure things out eventually. I mean, the partying won’t last forever, you know? Someday we’ll get married, and have a nice house, and kids…” I trailed off and continued to pet my confidant. Snuffy had always been there for me, never judging, never telling me what to do or not to do. Unconditional love from a pet was one of the best kinds.

I finally rolled out of bed and Snuffy jumped down as well. I watched him bound into the living room to announce to the rest of the family “she’s awake!” and chuckled. I was going to miss that little furball.

The rest of the day was a flurry of activity as I organized my things and rushed off to the airport with my parents. Although I was anxious to return, there were still tears shed as we said our goodbyes. I hugged them tightly, and promised to call often. Once on the plane, I watched my hometown disappear and felt a pang of nostalgia. If only things were different… but they weren’t. I chose my life, and I was happy. The past was the past and would have to stay there. There was no going back to the safe, comfortable life I once had. There was a lot waiting for me in Reno, I was anxious to call Nancy to find out what was going on, for one thing. And I had to make sure Kevin had paid the rent and had not blown every penny partying. My parents had given me some cash on the side in addition to a few Christmas checks I had received from other relatives, but I didn’t want to tell Kevin. Funny, I loved him so much, but in all honesty I didn’t really trust him. I knew if he was aware of the cash it would be smoked up in one night. And I kind of wanted to keep a “cash cushion” of my own, just in case.

I dozed off for a while, and awoke to the sound of the landing announcement. My pulse quickened as I looked out the window and saw the mountains in the distance. I started to gather my things, and was one of the first to exit the plane when it landed. I was a little nervous, since Kevin could sometimes be a little scatterbrained, but then I saw him. He was leaning against one of the slot machines, grinning in my direction. I started to jog over and he stood up straighter, then winked at me. We hugged and laughed, and he told me he missed me.

“I missed you too,” I breathed into his neck, not wanting to let him go.

He laughed as he pulled away. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

We rode back to the motel and I babbled on and on about my visit home, telling him about my visit with Chris, and Aaron at the bar, and the family Christmas party. He nodded and responded appropriately, but he seemed distracted. Finally, I looked at him intently.

“Kev, what’s up?” I asked.

“What? Oh, nothing, really,” he hedged.

“I know you. Something is on your mind.”

“Well, I’ve got a celebration for us back at the room,” he said with a smile.

Of course. Party time. Thinking about getting high was more important than hearing about my trip. I was disappointed, but not surprised. And in all honesty, I was looking forward to the rush again myself.

I tried to sound happier than I really felt. “Great! Just you and me?”

“Well,” he said carefully.

“Well what? Who’s coming over? Marc?” I asked, starting to feel irritated.

“No,” he replied. “We got a new neighbor since you left, he’s pretty cool. I think you’ll like him and his girlfriend.”

I sighed in exasperation. “Kev! I really don’t feel like meeting new people today.”

“They’re not coming by till later. I promise. And by the time they stop by, you’ll be ready to meet new people, I’m sure,” he said with a grin.

I couldn’t win. “Fine,” I pouted, “but I get the first hit.”

“Done.”

We got to the motel and everything was exactly as it had been. I don’t know why I had expected some major change or something, but it was still the same old room, somewhat dark and gloomy but still home. Schmauser greeted me with a “meow” then darted back under the bed. He made me think of Snuffy back home, and I smiled to myself at the odd comparison.

I organized my things, careful to keep the small, tight bundle of bills stashed safely in the deep pocket of a pair of jeans I seldom wore. Kevin got the party started, and handed me the pipe. I closed my eyes as I heard the sizzle and felt the high enveloping my being. Yup, this was where I belonged.

We smoked and chatted and played cards for about an hour and suddenly there was a staccato knock at the door. I had forgotten about our company, and almost jumped out of my skin. Kevin went to the door and let in our new neighbor.

I heard the mumbled greetings, and when Kevin turned I saw Bobby for the first time.

I almost laughed out loud. He looked like a little boy. He was short, with shoulder-length dark brown hair with an orange streak across the side. A baseball cap perched jauntily on top of his tie-dyed head, and his eyes were small and dark.

“Bobby is from Chicago, too,” Kevin informed me after introducing us. “Small world, huh?”

“Small world,” I echoed.

Bobby spoke for the first time, and he had a distinct “hard-ass” accent that made me wonder what kind of crowd he ran with back in the city – and why he left Chicago for Reno. “This is my girl, Melanie.”

A pretty, petite brunette stood just behind him. I hadn’t even seen her at first. She was well dressed, in expensive clothes, in sharp contrast to Bobby’s baggy jeans and jersey. She wore little makeup, and looked about fifteen. “Hi,” she smiled shyly.

Alarms went off in my head. Something wasn’t right. This girl looked like she belonged in some upper-class suburban high school, not at a motel in Reno with a sleazy guy like Bobby. Then again, I never thought I would belong in a life like this, either.

Melanie shut the door behind her, and Kevin carefully chose a rock from the pile on the nightstand.

“Dude, I’ve got more on me,” Bobby said, waving him away.

“S’alright,” Kevin said. “We’ll cook it up in a little bit. I’m just being a good host.”

He put the rock in a pipe and handed it to Melanie. I watched as she took it with careful hands, and Kevin lit it for her. Her wide blue eyes went half-mast, and as she exhaled, she smiled. “That was good,” she whispered.

But I couldn’t help but notice that her hands were still trembling and her smile seemed forced. As Kevin prepared a hit for Bobby, I sidled up to her.

“Hey,” I whispered. “How long have you been partying?”

She looked at me and shrugged. “About a week. With Bobby. It’s sooo good, isn’t it?”

I felt like gagging. “How old are you?”

“Sixteen. And Bobby is twenty. That’s why I had to run away, my parents wouldn’t let me be with him. But I love him so much,” she said with conviction.

A sixteen year-old runaway. Did Kevin know? He couldn’t, could he? Probably not. I felt like I should do something, anything, to save her. Call her parents. Give her cab fare. Something. She seemed so nice, so naïve. My heart ached for her. She was just so damn young.

“Here, Dasi, it’s all set.”

My attention was turned to the drugs being offered, and for the time being my “rescue mission” was forgotten. But as I inhaled I watched Melanie from the corner of my eye and couldn’t help but notice how much she reminded me of someone else…