The Beginning of the End, Part 15

I honestly don't know exactly how I made it through that first day of training. But thankfully, I did, and when the day was over all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. Training was to continue for the rest of the week, and hopefully within the month I would have my own waitressing station. The three other people training with me seemed really nice, and what I could tell from the general atmosphere this was a pretty good place to work. I left after the three hours were up and started my walk home.

Kevin was still asleep when I got there, but rather than disturb him by climbing into the bed, I collapsed on the sofa. When I woke up, it was almost 7:00 pm, and the tv was on. I sat up and saw Kevin sitting on the floor next to me. "Hey, babe," he said. "How was your day?"

I groggily told him that it went ok, but that I had no intention of repeating the night before. He sat next to me on the couch and reassured me that it wouldn't happen again. We spent the rest of the night just watching tv, and got to bed at a decent hour. We were both feeling much better the next day, and Kevin drove me to work, promising that we would go shopping after I got home to get my uniform clothes.

I was really enjoying being at the Olive Garden, the people were friendly and liked me for who I was. None of them knew Kevin, or Matt, or anything about my past. I was happier than I had been for a while. Things at home would seesaw, sometimes Kevin would disappear for a day or two, then come home with more drugs. Matt found a job at a local casino, and would also disappear for days on end. I tried my best to be the stable one in the household, but I never turned down the opportunity to get high.

It was like I had two separate lives, one at work and one at home. And I wasn't sure which person was the real me. Was I the sweet, friendly girl from Chicago everyone liked at Olive Garden? Or was I the junkie who sat around getting high for hours on end? The lines were starting to blur as Kevin forged a relationship with one of the main dealers in town and began getting more and more shit more and more frequently.

On days when I worked the lunch shift, I would walk home from the Olive Garden in the hot sun and stop at 7-11. Once there, I would grab a Super Gulp cup, fill it three-quarters with lemonade at the fountain, and also buy a flask of vodka to add to the mix. These were the days I knew I would be partying, so I would allow myself to start early and finish early, so as not to disrupt work.

One day when I came home, the condo seemed especially quiet. I couldn't figure out exactly why, until I noticed that the corner where the tv had been was now empty. Kevin was quick to explain that his dealer took it for trade, and that we would get a new one soon anyway. I was pretty upset, until he passed me the pipe and all my anger disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The tv was never replaced, in fact, it was shortly after that that we received the eviction notice. All the money that Kevin had supposedly had "saved up" was gone, and he hadn't paid the rent in months. I screamed at him and demanded to know why he never told me, and once again he soothed me with calm words and drugs.

"It'll be ok, babe," he said. "So we stay in a motel for a while. Just think - no utilities to worry about. And free clean sheets and towels." I didn't think this was funny at all, but I loved him too much to doubt him. So he wound up selling all the furniture (or should I say, pawning it) and early one morning before the sheriff could arrive, Kevin, Matt, Schmauser and I left the condo.

We found a cheap motel with a double bed for Kevin and me and a folding cot for Matt. I was too embarrassed to admit to my coworkers that we had lost our home, so instead I told them our phone was temporarily disconnected and I would be unreachable for a while. The motel was farther from the restaurant than our home was, so I insisted that Kevin manage to pick me up as well as drop me off every day.

It was because of this that my two worlds started to collide. Since I had no "set in stone" hours, Kevin would come to pick me up and if I wasn't finished, he would sit at the bar, have a drink, and wait. If nothing else, Kevin was very personable, and it wasn't long before he had won over most of my coworkers. Everyone loved his quick smile and joking comments. No one knew about his habit, or mine, for that matter, and we both continued to hide it well. Another thing no one knew was that Kevin still hadn't found a job and Matt and I were paying the motel bill AND the partying tab.

I started to pressure Kevin about finding a job. It was too much, I complained, to expect Matt and I to pay for EVERYTHING. Kevin liked to point out that in the beginning, HE was the one who paid for everything, but that argument only worked against Matt. I had started working practically the minute I arrived, and didn't have to depend on him EVER. He and I would fight about it, and then just as I would be ready to just leave and go back to Chicago, he would apologize and swear that things would change. And he was right - but the changes definitely weren't for the better.