Stuck in a Rut

So a few minutes ago I was sitting at my computer, eating cake and researching liposuction. And guess what? IT’S FRICKIN EXPENSIVE!!! How all these seemingly average people on Nip/Tuck were able to afford it is beyond me. Of course, apparently you could go for the “discount liposuction,” but then you would probably be butchered by someone like Merrill Bobolik (who I STILL think is the Carver – I don’t care what FX says) and wind up having to pay double to get yourself back to where you started.

Also? There is like a minimum 1-3 week recovery time. And I just don’t have that kind of time to “recover.” Satan would NEVER let me take off work for that long, to begin with, and letting Lexie run the house? Not. Some of those before and after pictures looked damn good, though. I’m jealous.

So I take another bite of my cake and I ponder my situation: I want to be thinner, really I do, but I just don’t have the money or the time for this surgery thing. I suppose they may have financing or something, but there would still be the time issue. What to do, what to do?

I lick the frosting off my plastic fork and wonder exactly how many crunches it would take to get my abs to look the way I want them to. I was doing really well for a few weeks, then lost my drive and quit the crunches. I suppose I could start them again.

And I hadn’t exactly been regular with my Curves visits either, for that matter. Honestly, I was trying, but something always seemed to come up. Like the day I just had the worst craving for a Lou Malnati’s pizza. There would’ve been no time for me to get the pizza AND go to Curves. No siree.

I just don’t understand WHY these extra pounds won’t go away. It’s not like I don’t try… I mean, didn’t I only get ONE double cheeseburger instead of TWO at McDonald’s the other day? And I SO could have taken more of the leftover cake from Bob and Sarah’s shower – but I DIDN’T. (And the two pieces I DID take weren’t even that big.) Is it MY fault that Lexie wanted popcorn chicken from KFC for dinner the other day? I was only trying to be a good mom…!

You know what? This is all BRIESEN’S fault. She is my friend/Curves worker. She hasn’t called me at all to find out where I have been. So yeah, Briesen, IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!! I think I’ll go to Curves just to yell at her. And then I’ll start working out again, get back on track. Oh, wait, she doesn’t work on Wednesdays. Hmm. Guess I’ll have to wait until tomorrow. Damn her! I COULD go in anyway, I guess, but if I do, then she’ll be all like, “Well, you were here YESTERDAY, so why would I call you?” so maybe I’d better wait. Yeah, I think I’ll wait another day.

Four more months until swimsuit and shorts season. That really sucks. Four short months. I’ll never make it. Think I’ll go have another piece of cake.