The Beginning of the End, Part 31

I woke up the next morning and for a brief moment forgot where I was. I half expected Snuffy to jump up next to me, tail wagging, and hear my mom in the kitchen. Instead, Kevin shifted next to me and the room was silent.

I looked over at the clock on the nightstand. It was already after ten. With a yawn, I got out of bed and got dressed. Kevin slept on. I turned on the tv and watched some mindless talk show, more to put off making the phone calls I knew had to be made than for the so-called entertainment. Finally, I stood up.

“Kevin,” I said, poking him.

He grunted and pulled the covers over his head.

I sighed. “Come on, Kev! Listen to me. I have to go call Nancy and work. What time do you go in today?”

“Not until 3:30,” came the muffled response. “Wake me at two.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Whatever.”

I grabbed some change off the dresser and rummaged through my purse for Nancy’s card and the Olive Garden’s number. Once I was sure I had both, I quietly slipped out of the room and into the bright sunshine.

It was chilly out, not exactly freezing, but still cold enough to make me shiver. Or was I shivering from nerves? It was hard to tell. I hadn’t talked to Nancy since well before I left for the holidays, and wondered if anything had changed. I was also nervous about calling Gregg. I knew he understood the situation, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for the looks and reactions of my coworkers. Then again, it would be good to get back into the routine of working and get my mind off everything else.

I decided to call Nancy first, and as my fingers punched in the numbers my mind raced. You could just never call her again, I thought. You could just pretend nothing ever happened. I shoved the thoughts out of my head as I waited for her to answer. I could never pretend nothing happened.

“Nancy Lewis.”

“Nancy? It’s me, Dasi,” I said into the phone shakily. “I’m back. I was just calling to, you know, check in…”

Nancy’s voice went from official to soothing. “Hey, Dasi, did you have a nice holiday?”

My heart started to slow down a bit. “Yes, I did. And you?”

“Really nice,” she replied.

I knew she was trying to distract me, that she sensed my nervousness somehow over the phone. And it was working. For a few seconds, neither of us spoke, and then Nancy spoke again.

“He’s still in jail, Dasi.”

I let out a huge breath of air I didn’t realize I had been holding. “Thank you,” I whispered.

“Don’t thank me, I have nothing to do with it. It’s you who had the courage to have him locked up,” she said matter-of-factly.

“What about trial? You said you’d try to speed things up,” I inquired.

“I’m working on that. Probably won’t be for at least a month or so. Maybe a bit longer. But keep checking in, and if I need you…” she broke off.

“Call the Olive Garden. They can get a message to me,” I replied. I read her the number off the slip of paper I had it written on and gave her Gregg’s name.

“Ok, then,” she said. “Got it. And Dasi?”

“Yeah?”

“Hang in there.”

I smiled. “I will, thanks.”

I hung up the phone and took a few seconds to let her words sink in. He was still in jail. I was so relieved to hear that. I knew it was ridiculous to think he knew where I lived or anything else about me, but it still scared me to imagine him walking around free in the same city. But I didn’t have to worry, at least, not now.

My call to Olive Garden went well, too. Gregg was very kind, and very understanding, and told me there was a shift open for lunch the next day. He said that once I finished that, we could sit down and figure out how to fit me in for the rest of the week. I thanked him and told him I was anxious to come back.

“We missed you, Dasi,” he replied. “It will be good to have you back.”

I nodded to myself. It would be good to be back. I just wanted things to go back to normal. Or as normal as they could get.

I stopped at a fast food place and picked up some lunch for Kevin and I. I knew he got a free meal at work, but I was hungry and didn’t want to eat alone. When I walked into the room, Kevin was still asleep.

I plopped the bag of chicken wings on the table and took off my coat. “Hey!” I said loudly, turning the tv back on.

“Is it two already?” he groaned.

“No, but I got wings. Wake up, or I’ll eat them all myself.”

He flipped the covers off him and reached for his glasses. With a big yawn, he ambled over next to me and sat down at the table.

“How did it go?” he asked, grabbing a wing.

I filled him in on the phone calls, and made him promise there would be no partying tonight. And no company. I wanted my first day back to go smoothly – and I wanted to be well rested too. He nodded solemnly.

“I swear,” he said between bites. “I’m off at 11:30, why don’t you meet me at the casino and remind me?”

I grinned. “You big jerk. You bet I’ll remind you! I’ll be there with a leash to walk you home,” I threatened.

Kevin laughed. “Seriously. I promise. No partying, no company. And I was kidding – you don’t have to meet me, I’ll come straight home.”

“Because you have to drive me to work in the morning,” I added.

Kevin’s face clouded with concern at the fear in my voice. “Babe, you just said he was still in jail. You’re safe.”

“I know,” I replied. “I mean, logically, I know. But I just have a bad feeling.”

Kevin leaned over and kissed me gently. “I’ll drive you. I’ll watch you walk in. And I’ll come back to pick you up. You’ll be safe.”

I hated the constant fear that lurked in the back of my head. I hated feeling weak and vulnerable. The tears threatened to come, but I took a deep breath and held them back. I nodded vigorously and then turned to the tv. We finished eating in silence, watching some therapist trying to save an already doomed marriage.

When Kevin left for work, I decided to take a nap. I woke up and it was dark outside. I changed the channel on the tv and tried to get engrossed in a made-for-tv movie. At eleven I watched the news, and when it ended, I kept watching the door.

Canned laughter came from the tv as one of the late-night hosts mocked the celebrity du jour. But I couldn’t focus on the words, I just kept watching the door.

At 11:45, the doorknob turned. Kevin walked in slowly, then saw me sitting up in bed, waiting. He smiled.

“What are you doing up? You have a big day tomorrow,” he said, tossing his tie and change apron on the chair. He came and sat next to me on the bed.

“I just wanted…” I stopped. I didn’t want to tell him I was afraid he’d forget, that he’d pick up some shit and bring home strangers again. That I wanted to make sure he came home.

“I know what you wanted,” he replied. “That’s why I’m here. It’s late, let’s go to bed.”

He stripped down to his underwear and climbed into bed next to me. I turned the tv off and set the alarm. I felt Kevin’s arms around me and I snuggled closer. We both fell asleep peacefully. And I felt safe.

My sleep was dreamless and deep, as if my body knew I would need all my energy for the day to come. Because it was a day that would push my emotions to the breaking point. Only, I didn’t know it yet.