The Beginning of the End, Part 24

I spent the night in the hospital with Kevin never leaving my side. In the morning, we were visited by a detective from the Reno PD.

“Based on the information you provided, we were able to do a door-to-door at the apartment complex you remembered being at,” he began.

I could feel my heart racing as Kevin squeezed my hand.

“We think we got the guy.”

“Who is he?” Kevin asked through a clenched jaw.

The officer looked at Kevin, and then back at me, as though trying to decide the best way to continue. “At this point, I can’t really divulge that information.”

Kevin stood up angrily. “Why not? I mean, he’s in custody, right?”

“Yes, he is in custody. For now. But bail is going to be set, and he could be out as soon as tomorrow.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. He could be out tomorrow? That couldn’t be right.

“But he raped me,” I said feebly, feeling sick to my stomach.

The officer looked at me sympathetically. “I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. But the simple fact of the matter is that it’s up to the DA to decide whether or not to even prosecute. We can’t hold him indefinitely, and bail will be set and he will remain free until there is a hearing. If there is a hearing.”

“There will be a hearing,” I said, anger making me feel stronger.

“In any case,” he continued, “once you feel up to it, we’ll need to you come to the station to give a positive ID.” He handed me a business card. “Just ask for me.”

Kevin and I each shook hands with him, and then he was gone.

“That son of a bitch. When I find out who he is, I’ll kill him,” Kevin ranted.

“Kev, calm down. He will not get away with this. He’s going to jail. For a long time. I’m not going to be a victim for the rest of my life.”

Kevin looked at me, worry and concern in his blue eyes. “It shouldn’t have happened. I should’ve been there.”

I shrugged, acting tougher than I actually felt. “Whatever. It’s over. All I want to do now is go home. Did you bring me clothes?”

He reached over for a plastic grocery bag sitting next to his chair. “Here, I wasn’t sure what you’d want to wear…”

When I took the bag from him and looked inside, a small smile pulled at my lips and my eyes teared up.

“I thought, maybe, I don’t know… Maybe you’d want to cover up, or stay warm, or something…”

Kevin had brought the most unflattering clothes I owned. Right down to the underwear and bra. Shapeless sweatpants that had become two sizes too big but that had a drawstring waist, a heavy turtleneck sweater, a sports bra and old granny brief underwear that I hadn’t even realized I had. I realized that he was trying his best to protect me, to make me feel safe again in the baggy nondescript clothes. At that moment, in the hospital with Kevin, I really did feel safe. And I knew as long as he was with me, I didn’t have to be afraid.

I changed clothes and came out of the bathroom looking like a bag lady. I giggled in spite of myself, and Kevin hugged me. Then he quickly pulled away.

“What?” I asked, startled.

Kevin looked uncomfortable. “I don’t want to do anything wrong. I mean, I was talking to some lady last night, and she mentioned you may not want to be touched.”

“The Lady” was a rape crisis counselor who worked at the hospital. She had talked to me briefly, given me some pamphlets to take home, and left. I wasn’t aware she had talked to Kevin as well.

“I definitely want to be touched by you,” I assured him. “In fact, I think all I want to do when we get home is lay in bed and hold each other, if that’s ok.”

He nodded and put his arm around me, leading me out of the hospital room.

We took a cab home, and Kevin told me that he had already called the restaurant from the hospital to tell them what had happened, and that I wouldn’t be in for a while.

“You didn’t!” I blurted, not wanting people to know.

He spoke to me gently. “Dasi, they had to know. I only told Gregg. He said you can come back whenever you’re ready. He won’t tell anyone else.”

But later that day, there was a knock on the door, and when Kevin answered it, Shelley spilled into the room with wide questioning eyes.

I felt humiliated, and wondered what she thought of me now. I shrank back into the pillows propping me up in bed, and hot tears filled my eyes.

Shelley let out a moan, and suddenly she was crying too. She came up to me in the bed and hugged me tightly. “Oh, Dasi! I shouldn’t have left you there! My God, I am so sorry!”

We both cried for a little while, and Kevin slipped out of the room to give us some time. Finally, I looked at her and whispered, “Everyone is going to hate me.”

Shelley looked at me in shock. “Are you serious? Dasi, this was not your fault! Don’t you ever think that it was! No one is going to hate you. And the monster that did this is going to rot.”

I nodded my head, and wiped away a stray tear. “I have to go to the station to ID the guy. Probably tomorrow.”

“Is Kevin going with you?” she asked.

“Yes, he is. In fact, he has been wonderful.” I laughed at the irony of the situation. “It really sucks, though, that this had to happen to bring us closer together again.”

Shelley smiled at me. “Even if this didn’t happen, you both still love each other. But I’m glad he’s here for you. And I am too, if you need anything.”

I thanked her and assured her that I would be fine. I seemed to be saying that a lot lately, both out loud and in my head: I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. I wasn’t sure if it was actually true or if I was still trying to convince myself. She left as Kevin came back in.

Kevin crawled into the bed next to me and I rested my head on his shoulder. “She’s a good friend,” he said.

“Yes, she is,” I agreed. I looked up at him. “We have to go to the station tomorrow.”

He nodded without saying a word.

“I may even have to talk to the District Attorney or something,” I added.

Kevin remained silent. But I could feel the furious beating of his heart through his chest.

“I’m fine, Kev.” There was my mantra again.

He stroked the top of my head and kissed me gently. “I won’t let anyone hurt you again. I promise.”

We fell asleep that night in a paradox, both restless, but both comfortable and safe in each other’s arms. Tomorrow would be another stressful day, and my dreams were vivid but forgotten by morning. When I woke to the sun peeking through the cracks in the motel curtains, it took me a minute to remember what had happened. Although I was still safely wrapped in Kevin’s arms, a cold knot of fear gripped my insides. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine I reminded myself. It occurred to me that last night was one of the first that Kevin and I spent alone in the room without partying – or wanting to. I wondered if that was something that would continue… Probably not.

Kevin shifted, and opened his eyes. “Good morning, babe,” he whispered.

“Morning,” I replied with a sleepy smile.

“Are you ready for today?” he asked, watching me carefully.

I thought for a moment, and then nodded. “Yeah. I want him put away.”