The Beginning of the End, Part 32

I awoke the next morning with a combination of apprehension and excitement. I hoped Shelley was working too, it would be good to have her there on my first day back. I showered and dried my hair, then pulled it back into the required ponytail. I tried to brush the stubborn wrinkles out of my white oxford, then decided it looked fine. As I hopped around pulling on my socks, the lump in the bed that was my boyfriend stirred.

“Can you be a little quieter?” he mumbled from under the covers.

“No, I CAN’T be quieter! Come on, Kev, we have to leave in like ten minutes!” I said with exasperation. I didn’t want to be late, in fact, I wanted to be early just to get back into things easier. I pinned my nametag on and checked myself out in the bathroom mirror. Would anyone else notice how nervous I was? Would anyone see that the light in my eyes had permanently dimmed? The last time I had seen any of my coworkers was on that night, and I hadn’t exactly been behaving properly to begin with. What if they all knew? What if they all thought it was my own fault? What if they all hated me?

I tried to shake the negative thoughts away as I reminded myself that Shelley had told me that not everyone knew. And that nobody blamed me for anything. I took a deep breath and walked back out of the bathroom. Kevin was now sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

I picked up his jeans and threw them at him, hitting him in the head. “Hey!” he protested.

“Get dressed! Seriously, Kev, I want to get there early. Please,” I begged.

With a sigh, he pulled on the jeans and went into the bathroom. I heard the water running as he brushed his teeth and ran some water through his hair to smooth the cowlicks. He came out toweling off his head and looking around searchingly.

“You seen my glasses?” he asked.

I picked them up off the nightstand and handed them to him silently. Then I walked to the door and shifted from one foot to the other nervously.

“Ok, let’s go,” he said, tugging his shirt on and grabbing the car keys.

We rode to the restaurant in silence for a while, then Kevin spoke.

“So should I just come by at like 1:30?” he asked.

“Yeah, that would be fine,” I replied.

“If you think you’re not ready to go back, I’m sure Gregg would understand,” Kevin offered gently.

I looked at him with surprise. “Do you think I’m not ready?” I asked.

“No, no – not at all,” he answered, suddenly flustered. “I’m just saying if you feel too nervous or anything…”

I was nervous. The hummingbirds in my stomach were a testament to that. But I needed to move forward, not just stand still. I needed to continue my life and focus on the future, not the past.

“Kev, I’ll be ok,” I assured him, gently touching his arm and squeezing it.

“Well, maybe I’ll come earlier, just in case.”

I smiled. It was good having him on my side, and his concern was touching. “What about your job?”

“Not until 4:00 today. So maybe I will come earlier and just hang out. You know, moral support and all that,” he said casually.

Actually, it would be nice to know that he would be there. Even just sitting in the bar area. I could handle the first two hours, I was sure, but knowing he was there waiting for me just might make me a little more relaxed. Who knew how the day would go?

“Ok,” I conceded. “Whenever.”

We pulled into the parking lot and Kevin leaned over to give me a kiss. It was soft and gentle, and before pulling back, he looked into my eyes.

“I love you, you know,” he said softly. “And I’ll wait until you get inside.”

“Love you too, Kev. And thanks.”

I turned away from him and opened the car door. Clutching my apron and waitress book, I got out and took a deep breath. I slammed the door behind me and started to walk toward the front doors.

I walked more confidently than I felt, surprised my jelly knees were holding me up. When I got halfway to the restaurant, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, and instinctively looked to my left.

My heart stopped in mid beat, then leapt into my throat. It couldn’t be. A group of about five Mexican guys was strolling out of the restaurant, laughing and talking in Spanish. One in particular made my blood turn to ice. He caught my eye, and with a self-satisfied smile tipped his baseball cap and winked at me. It was Morcos Magana.

I froze in my tracks and let out a choked scream. My whole body was trembling, and I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. Their laughter echoed in my ears, and seemed somehow amplified so I could hear nothing else. I watched as they strolled out of the parking lot and down the street, and suddenly I realized Kevin was holding my arms, calling my name…

My mind was still numb from the shock, my head flooding with the memories. But I managed to look into Kevin’s worried eyes and whisper, “That was him.”

“What?” Kevin said, unable to fully understand what was happening.

It all seemed so surreal. Nancy said he was in jail. In jail. Yesterday she told me he was in jail. But I could never forget the face of that man – and without a doubt, that had been him. Leaving Olive Garden, walking with his friends, laughing for God’s sake. And the way he had looked at me… the wink, the tip of his hat… I felt like I was going to vomit.

I started to get dizzy, and Kevin held me more tightly. “What?” he repeated again, to me. “Help!” he called out toward the restaurant.

Kevin lowered me to the ground where I sat down and wrapped my arms tightly around my legs. I felt so cold, yet it was warm outside. I kept seeing his face, morphing from that night to just a few moments ago… I shook my head and started to cry. “It was him, Kevin,” I said through my tears. “It was him.”

Gregg had come out of the restaurant along with a couple other servers. He looked as confused as Kevin had been moments before, but Kevin’s face had suddenly dawned with understanding. His eyes clouded over, and rage made his face contort as he stood up and faced Gregg.

“He was here,” he spat at Gregg. “That bastard came out of your restaurant.”

Gregg looked from Kevin to me, and shook his head. “It couldn’t have been,” he said with confusion. “Those were kitchen employees. One just came back from Mexico.”

“What was his name?” Kevin whispered.

“What?”

“What was his NAME?” Kevin demanded forcefully.

Gregg looked shaken. “Morcos. Morcos Magana,” he replied.

“It was him,” I said, starting to shake all over again. “He works here?”

I looked up at Gregg, whose face had suddenly become hard. “Not anymore. Jesus, Dasi, you never told me his name,” he said, his voice filled with apology.

I shook my head. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He was out, he was here, he knew where I was.

“I need to go home,” I muttered. I looked up at Gregg through my tears. “Can I come back tomorrow? I just can’t…”

Gregg helped me to my feet and he and Kevin walked me back to the car. “Of course, of course. He won’t be here, I promise. That bastard,” he added under his breath. “If you don’t feel up to it, don’t come. But we can talk tomorrow. And you can work, if you’re up to it.”

I nodded as I got into the car. “I think I will be,” I replied, starting to regain my composure. “But I just need to… to…” I didn’t know what I needed to do. And Gregg understood. He simply nodded as he shut the door behind me.

Kevin got behind the wheel and I could see he was now shaking as well. Only he was shaking with rage.

“Which way did he go?” he asked in a low voice. “Did you see? Which way did he go? I’m going to drop you off at home – lock the door – and then…”

“Kevin, no!” I pleaded. “All I want you to do is stay with me. Please. I can’t lose you now if you do something stupid.”

Kevin looked at me with his jaw set and his eyes glassy. “Dasi, I want to kill him.”

I saw in Kevin’s eyes what I felt in my heart. But I also knew that wasn’t the answer. “Please, Kev, let’s just go home.”

He started the car and he pulled out of the parking lot amidst screeching tires, using the car to punctuate his anger and frustration. The blood was pulsing in my head, and I closed my eyes, hoping we made it home in one piece. I fell asleep in the ten minutes it took to drive back, exhausted from what totaled less than fifteen minutes of my life. I barely woke up to walk inside, and Kevin laid me down on the bed. I could feel him watching over me protectively, and was grateful for that. I just needed to relax. To refocus. To call Nancy and find out what the hell was going on…