RSVP ASAP

While watching tv last night (I know, shocker, ME watching TV) I found my mind wandering. Not because I was bored with the entertainment, mind you, far from it. I was watching an episode of Ellen (and you know how Lexie and I love our Ellen!) and started thinking how cool it would be to hang out with certain celebrities. Because there are some famous people you just KNOW you would get along with really well if you ever had the opportunity to socialize with them. Unfortunately, it seems that most celebrities rarely (if ever) socialize with the common man – or woman. Which is a real bummer, because in my opinion, they are really missing out. There seem to be a lot of fakes in La-La Land, and in the Real World (NOT the MTV version) most people are pretty genuine. For the celebrities who I would consider pretty cool people, this would be a real bummer. Because they are pretty much forced to hang with their own kind and seldom get to be anything other than a “celebrity.”

Well, I decided that if I ever became:

A) Famous
B) Rich
or
C) A Reality Show Contestant (because it seems reality show contestants usually get the opportunity to rub elbows with the rich and famous during their five minutes of fame)

I would have a nice little dinner party on an uninhabited tropical island (to keep away the paparazzi) for myself and twelve of my favorite film and TV stars. Just to be clear – I’m not talking “Survivor” here with the island, it would be more of a resort paradise locale. And although I only chose 12, after I listed my 12 I kept thinking of others I would add. But maybe for my next party. And? I chose NO musicians. Not because I don’t like musicians, but because this dinner party is only for actors. Why? I don’t know. That’s just how I did it. Otherwise, Joe Perry would DEFINITELY have been there and I would’ve ignored my other guests. Which would have been bad. And probably ruined my party. But I digress.

So here are my twelve guests, six women and six men, in no particular order with the reason I invited them:

Ellen Degeneres: Obvious choice. Because I LOVE Ellen. She is funny and real and makes no bones about who she is without flaunting it.

Sherri Shepherd: She cracks me up. Plain and simple. The woman is freakin HILARIOUS – but not contrived at all.

Nicole Kidman: She is sooooo classy. But she also seems like the type who can just “hang.” Hell, she dated Lenny Kravitz – she HAS to be pretty cool. And I want to know the truth about Tom Cruise.

Drew Barrymore: Can we say “FUN?” Even though this girl went through hell and back before she even hit puberty, she rose above it and took charge of her life. And she always seems happy and energetic – without the assistance of mind-altering substances.

Gwyneth Paltrow: I want to know why she named her daughter Apple. But I also think she’s the type who is more comfortable in jeans than a designer gown, and isn’t afraid to be herself and have fun.

Maura Tierney: For some reason, ever since she joined ER, I could picture myself hanging out with her. She just seems so real, not a glamour queen – but with an inner beauty that just shines. She’s the person you could laugh at raunchy jokes with while downing a few beers.

George Clooney: Every time I see him, I melt. Because not only is he HOT, but he is a guy’s guy. Even though I would love to do more than have dinner with him – he’d have to remain more a buddy type to avoid becoming one of “those” guys to me.

John Travolta: Down to earth, always smiling. I’ve never seen a bad interview with him. And he’s been married for so long and seems like a total family man. How can anyone NOT like John Travolta?

John Cusak: He’s from Chicago and loves the Cubs. That’s good enough for me. But I also loved every movie he’s been in and can’t hear “In Your Eyes” without seeing Lloyd holding up that radio.

Johnny Depp: I once read an interview with him that relayed how he played with a cockroach at the diner the interview was at during the interview. He is unaffected by his fame, and is totally his own person – strange as he is. Yet he has a chameleon-like ability to BECOME whatever character he plays. I just want to hang with the REAL Johnny, because besides being HOT I bet he is uber-cool.

Michael Chiklis: Love Vic Mackey. LOVE Vic Mackey. Yet from what I’ve seen in interviews, the real Michael is more like his old character on “The Commish.” But in any case, he strikes me as the type of person who is genuine and would be good to have on your side.

LL Cool J: One word: ABS. Oh, wait, make that TWO words: ABS and ARMS. Even though I’m sure he is as cool as his name, I am almost afraid to invite him because I would be tongue-tied around his perfect body. But if I make him leave his shirt on, I should be ok. Because he seems like the anti-player who probably has a lot to share. (CONVERSATION-WISE! GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!!) Oh, and? I know I said “no musicians,” but he is really more of an actor now anyway.

So there they are. My twelve dinner guests. I figure we could start with some cocktails (except for Drew, of course, sparkling cider for her) and mingling. I’d share some of my better blogging stories with Ellen and Sherri, and they would laugh and laugh. Then George would invariably play a practical joke on someone, probably Johnny Depp – to loosen him up a bit. Hopefully Johnny wouldn’t get upset.

Nicole would hang with Maura and I would join them, and Maura would be wanting to know the same things I did – is Tom gay? Nicole would laugh and say she’d never admit it (probably because it was a clause in their pre-nup or something). Gwyneth and Michael would be talking about their kids, because Michael has all girls and Gwyneth has Apple and they are both family-oriented people. I’d join them and tell them all about Lexie, then John Travolta would join us and start talking about HIS kids.

John Cusak and Drew would be off in the corner chatting it up, and I would eventually join them and discuss the Cubs’ prospects this year. Drew would listen appreciatively and consider joining us for a few home games back in Chicago.

What about LL? Well, he’d be chillin, waiting for me to make my rounds. And then I’d get to him and we would discuss the current state of the nation and maybe Iraq and how it all could be changed for the better.

We’d all sit down to a wonderful dinner and the conversation would flow as easily as the wine (again – cider for Drew). At the end of the night, maybe we’d have a friendly game of Texas Hold ‘Em (I wouldn’t even want to take odds on who would win – I think Nicole may surprise everyone) and then it would be time to go back home.

All my guests would thank me profusely for the wonderful evening, and make me promise to do it again soon. Of course, I would, because they were fun guests as well. And we’d exchange phone numbers (direct lines, not “have your people call my people”) and promise to call within the next week. John Travolta, Michael and I might even set up play dates with our kids. And John Cusak would make me PROMISE to save the dates for the Cubs-Cardinals series at Wrigley to join him in his home plate box seats. Ellen would offer to have me and Lexie on her show and use my blog as the reason for it, and Sherri would insist on being there as well. George would ask for a rematch in poker, and Johnny would give me a little salute and an accented “thanks.” Gwyneth would tell me she will definitely take me up on my babysitting offer, and Drew and Maura would suggest a girls’ night out sometime soon. LL would make me weak in the knees when he said “Goodbye” in his sexy voice and kissed my cheek, and I would ALMOST be too distracted to hear Nicole whisper in my ear “as a three-dollar bill.” But not quite.

All in all, a good evening. And just so you all know, once I get my foot in the door with them, I’ll invite YOU, faithful cyber-buds, to the next soiree. And by all means, let me know if you have any suggestions for the guest list.