The Beginning of the End, Part 16

One of the things that I was beginning to learn was that when you are involved with someone, three can definitely be a crowd. Matt had gotten used to he and Kevin living alone before I had arrived, and although in the beginning we all managed quite well, once we were cooped up in a one room motel everything changed. I began to resent Matt and vice versa. Kevin seemed to be the only one unaffected by our cramped living quarters, which seemed odd since he was the one who spent the most time there.

Matt worked the swing shift at the casino, which meant he was leaving for work usually around the time I was coming home. And once he had a few drinks after his shift and stumbled home at about 4:00 am, he would turn on the lights and the tv and act like it was no big deal. Sometimes it wasn’t – like when we were partying. But more often than not, I would be trying to sleep and would wind up cursing him out under my breath. Kevin, on the other hand, slept like a rock and nothing disturbed him. After an hour or two, Matt would shut everything off and go to sleep. Leaving me wide awake with only a few hours before I had to leave for work.

It started to really get to me, but I didn’t want to confront him and upset Kevin. I tried to politely hint that some people couldn’t sleep as easily with the tv on, and Matt ignored me. I tried heavy sighs when he would come barreling in late at night. He ignored me. I even tried unplugging the tv once, hoping he would get the hint, but all THAT did was make him curse and bang around until he found the outlet. Finally, I decided to fight fire with fire.

One morning about an hour after Matt had gone to bed, I decided to just get up, shower, and blow dry my hair. Now, I NEVER used the blow dryer on my hair, I usually just let it air-dry. But this was war. Knowing that Matt had probably JUST fallen asleep, I turned that bad boy on high and nonchalantly left the bathroom door open as I dried my hair.

It only took about five minutes before Matt started yelling from his cot, “I’M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!”

I yelled back over the dryer, “Oh, really? Gee, I’m sorry. But I REALLY have to dry my hair.”

“GODDAMMIT!! TURN THAT THING OFF!”

Well, I DID turn it off, and I also finally lost my cool. I blasted him for being so inconsiderate when he came home at night and told him I could make as much noise as I wanted, too. The two of us stood there yelling, face to face, until Kevin finally woke up as well and intervened. It was obvious that the “best friend” and the “girlfriend” were not working out in the world of cohabitation. Kevin came to my defense and implied that maybe Matt COULD be a little quieter… to which Matt yelled some obscenities, grabbed a few things, and left.

Kevin and I just stood there looking at each other for a minute or so, then we both started laughing. “He’ll be back,” Kevin predicted. I sighed. “I know.”

It was a nice change having the whole room to ourselves, but Kevin was right. After only two days, Matt came knocking on our door.

“Ok, I think I have an idea,” he started.

We listened as he suggested getting a bigger room, one that would give each of us more space. He had even found a place off the main strip that was more a HO-tel than MO-tel that was reasonably priced.

“But still, one room is one room, no matter HOW big it is,” I stated rationally. “Do you think you could at least TRY to keep it down when you get home?”

Matt looked from me to Kevin and back again. “Ok, I’ll try,” he agreed. “But no more hair dryers!”

We went to check out the hotel Matt had found, and he was right. It WAS a lot nicer, with two queen sized beds, and it was also closer to both the casino he worked at and the Olive Garden. And it had a phone in the room. It totalled out to $40 more a week, which at the time seemed easy enough to come up with. Kevin actually had an interview set up at the casino where Matt worked, so if the job went through we’d be gravy.

We all packed up our things and coaxed Schmauser out from under the bed. An hour later we were happily ensconced in our new home.

Since I had somehow managed to have two days off in a row (moving day being the first) and Matt didn’t have to work until late the next day, we decided to pool our resources and celebrate our new home. Kevin tried and failed to reach his “guy.” Then Matt informed us that he had met someone who he was pretty sure could get us something. Apparently this guy was pretty well-to-do, and had partied with Matt before (without me and Kevin? I thought, feeling insulted). So Matt made the call, and shortly thereafter there was a knock at our door.

Mike turned out to be a big guy of about 30, probably about 6’6” or so, with a solid frame. But in spite of his size, he was very quiet and unassuming. I liked him immediately. Kevin and Matt liked him, too, probably because after Matt introduced everyone, he sat down and pulled out a huge baggie of coke. I sat in the opposite chair at the small table and watched Mike as he pulled out the cooking utensils to solidify the drug in order to smoke it. Kevin (being the control freak he was when it came to partying) tried to offer his “chef” services, but Mike declined. Slowly and methodically, he cooked up the powder, dumping out a good sized rock and starting on more powder.

“So, Mike, buddy,” Kevin said, leering at the growing pile of rocks, “how about a starter hit?”

Mike looked up from his project and said calmly, “Not till I’m done.”

It didn’t bother me that Mike was taking his sweet time, but Matt and Kevin were tweaking hard. I actually found it interesting watching him boil, swirl, and dump producing a perfect rock every time. Kevin on occasion would wind up pouring out an oily mess, but not Matt. Solid perfect rocks every time.

Finally, the baggie was empty, and Mike asked if anyone had a pipe. Both Kevin and Matt thrust their respective pipes in his line of vision, and Mike took them both. He loaded up the first one and handed it to me. “Ladies first,” he said gallantly, even lighting the lighter for me.

I sucked deeply on the pipe and tried to ignore the frustrated looks of Matt and Kevin. The rush was smooth and fast, and reaaaaally good. I didn’t know if Mike had cooked it better, or if it was just different quality stuff, but this high had my whole body tingling. As I exhaled, I watched Mike do his hit, and saw his body relax as he exhaled. Finally, he gave the pipes back to Matt and Kevin, and rationed off a small chunk for each of them. They took their turns, and immediately began doing their “thing,” which I had become accustomed to.

Mike watched with interest. “What are they doing?” he asked.

Kevin and Matt were on the floor, rifling through the shag carpeting. Every once in a while, one of them would pick up a small crumb, examine it, and toss it aside.

I shrugged. “They do that when they get a good buzz going. They’re looking for rocks.”

Mike looked at the table. “But there’s a ton here on the table,” he said with confusion.

“I know that. And so do they,” I replied. “But for whatever reason, they feel the need to look for any piece that MAY have fallen off or something…”

Mike suddenly grinned. “Hey guys!” he called. Matt and Kevin looked up from their spots on the floor. “Want to look for something? Look for THESE.” And I watched in amazement as he broke off three big pieces and PING! PING! PING! threw each piece in a different direction on the floor.

Kevin and Matt’s jaws dropped, while I started laughing. “What’d you do THAT for?” Matt whined.

“Now you have something to look for,” Mike replied logically.

And look they did. While they looked, Mike shared some more hits with me and we talked a lot about our lives. I told him about growing up in Chicago, and meeting Kevin, and finally moving to Reno. He told me about growing up in Wisconsin, moving to Reno as a teenager with his dad, starting a construction business and becoming independently wealthy. His dad had passed away over the last year, and he started partying, in his words, “kind of to deal with stuff.” Then he asked me what made me start. I wanted to tell him that I, too, had some tragedy in my life that made me turn to drugs, since that somehow seemed to make it ok, but I didn’t. I just kind of shrugged and said, “I guess Kevin did.” He looked at me and narrowed his eyes, then nodded. He didn’t say a word, just gave me another hit, which I took gratefully.

Kevin and Matt never found what they were looking for on the floor, and I started wondering if Mike and I would ever find what we were looking for in life. Because in talking to him, and hearing the hollowness and sadness in his words, I realized that maybe we ALL were looking for SOMETHING… but it was obvious we wouldn’t find it in a baggie or a pipe.

Yes, it was obvious, but it didn’t stop me from continuing to search there.