It's A-MAZE-ing

Thank you all for your patience and kind words. I honestly don’t know why I haven’t been in a writing frame of mind, but I think I’m back. For now. I hesitate to say that I am once again ready to write my little heart out every weekday no matter what, because the truth is I can’t be sure of that. I mean, right now I think I am, but tomorrow may be another story. I think the change of seasons may have something to do with it. Or maybe just spring in general. See, unlike most people, who get all caught up in the glories of SPRING, I tend to get even moodier. Spring doesn’t have the best memories for me. Which is why I am up and down like a frickin roller coaster from mid-March until the end of May. So in advance, I apologize AGAIN for any lapses during this time, or posts that make absolutely no sense or are overly angst-ridden, depressing, or pissy. But now that I have gotten THAT out of the way, I would like to proceed with what is on my mind right now.

Mealworms. Yes, mealworms. Icky, little bugs that my precious daughter has to care for in school. Now, to be honest, when she first told me about the project they were going to be doing involving becoming a “parent” to a mealworm, and then observing it through its pupa stage until it developed into a beetle (yuk), I was like “Oh, yay, sounds like fun. Just DON’T bring it home.” And that was the end of it. Until she brought home a letter from the teacher on Friday. Apparently, she has to build a maze for her mealworm. Oh, and not just ANY maze. This maze MUST have a 1” high shelf, doors, at least one wall with a hole in it, a bridge, and a mini-mall. Ok, so it doesn’t say to build a mini-mall, but it may as well. Because I am sooooo not creative when it comes to building things. Now, buying things I am good at. But somehow I doubt there is a store I can walk into and say “Yes, I would like to buy a mealworm maze, please” and actually get anything more than a perplexed look from the clerk.

So I brought home an envelope box from work which seems to be good, sturdy cardboard. And I figured we could cut up the lid to make the innards of this “maze.” But of course, we were busy this weekend and didn’t even get a chance to plan out our (well, ok, her) project. So that leaves tonight and tomorrow night, since she has a Choral Concert on Wednesday night (and no, she can’t sing, but it’s one of those “everyone in the fifth grade” things). Two nights to figure out how to make a damn mealworm maze. See, it’s times like this that I miss having my brother closer to home. Because I could call him and say “Booooooooob! Your niece has to make a mealworm maze and I soooooo don’t know how to do it… can you please help??” And he would. But now he is too far, plus, you know, the whole wife and son thing takes up a bit more of his free time nowadays. So I have to step up.

I really hope this isn’t like a big part of her grade or anything, because if it is, she’s screwed. Can you imagine? “I’m sorry, Lexie, Harvard is rejecting your application. It seems you flunked science in fifth grade due to an inadequate mealworm maze.” Oh, the pressure! Lexie, on the other hand, isn’t too stressed. She has entirely too much faith in me. She seems to think that since I am helping her with this, it will be the best maze ever. Boy, will she be surprised! All I know is that I truly think that sometimes teachers think of these things just to get back at the parents for making them put up with their rotten kids all day. Seriously. I really think the teachers are at home, inventing projects like this thinking, “I know! I’ll assign a MEALWORM MAZE!! That CAN’T be done during class time! And I’ll make sure there are impossible GUIDELINES to follow!” (evil laugh while typing out directions) “Yeah, that’s right, Mr. or Ms. Parent. Enjoy a little taste of the hell I go through with your child every day!!! MAKE THE MAZE!!!!”

Ok, so maybe not. But I can’t come up with another explanation for this project. It’s supposedly so the kids can observe the actions of their mealworm in the maze. But here’s my question – can a little worm even MANAGE to maneuver through any kind of maze? And, ok, if it’s like a BEETLE already, can’t it just CLIMB UP THE WALLS and escape the maze entirely?? WHAT IS THE REAL POINT HERE????

So I will be maze making tonight. I suppose. Oh, and? Just for good measure, “Family Living” starts for Lexie today. You know, the polite term for “sex ed.” So maybe we can have a heart-to-heart while building said mealworm maze. I’m telling you, Hallmark moments in the making for tonight. Wish me luck.