Rules of the Road

Know what I hate? I HATE people who are asshole drivers. Just thinking about it makes me tense up and get angry. And lately I have had to deal with more than usual, because there is construction going on right by my work. AND, for some reason, now that it is dark out by the time I leave work, it seems people are driving even STUPIDER, which makes me even more mad.

My daughter (bless her heart) says that I have road rage. I tell her that’s not 100% true, it’s just that I am the only person who knows how to drive in this world. I drive defensively, with an occasional offensive move thrown in where needed. Wherever I am going is just as important to me as wherever these morons are going is important to them. So it really pisses me off when people feel the need to fly around traffic in a lane that is merging just a little ways up. Do I ever let these people in front of me? HELL NO. I will deliberately not look at them and tailgate the person in front of me, just DARING these assholes to sideswipe me. Because I have the right of way. And hello? That big orange “Merge” sign you saw? It was for real. Just like the GIANT flashing arrow signs were. All THREE of them – that clearly indicated your lane was ending. It’s bad enough when this happens in a construction zone, but it REALLY gets me when it happens on a street that has had a merge for as long as I can remember.

I mean, you know damn well that most of these jerks drive this route on a daily basis, and know the lane is about to end. This particular street has three lanes up to a busy intersection, and right past the intersection is a GINORMOUS ORANGE MERGE SIGN. You cannot miss it. Unless you are blind, in which case you shouldn’t be driving anyway. Not only does it show the “merge” symbol, but it clearly states in big block letters “LANE ENDS.” And the far right lane ends literally 50 feet after you cross the intersection. So, every time I drive this route, I sit in the middle lane (which will soon become the right lane) and always hit the red light. Then I watch, as car after car decides “Hey, I’m going into that far right lane that is going to end.” And my blood boils, and I curse them out every time inside my head. And I concentrate on the bumper of the car ahead of me, knowing that I am going to be riding that bumper in a few seconds. Once that light turns green, it is my mission not to let ANY of these assholes in front of me. Sure enough, there is always the prick who floors it the minute the light changes, and usually succeeds in becoming the “first” car. But when I see the unlucky car trying to squeeze in front of ME, I ride that bumper in front of me and start my mantra: “Go ahead, HIT me, asshole. I work for an injury attorney. HIT me, I DARE you!!” They never get in. I have no fear when it comes to this. Blazers won’t even budge me. Oh, yes, they will KNOW when they see my gold Saturn NOT to mess with Dasi!!

I also hate people who don’t understand the rules of a four-way stop sign. Obviously, the basics are that whoever stopped first gets to proceed first. But, if two people stop at the same time, whoever is on the right has the right-of-way. It seems to me that not many people realize this, because every time I am in a situation where my car and another car both come to a stop at the same time, and I have the right-of-way, I am not the only person who starts to accelerate. But since I KNOW I have the right-of-way, I give the other driver a dirty look and proceed on, DARING them not to step on the brake. And I usually honk the horn for good measure.

Of course, my biggest pet peeve is drunk drivers. I think especially since I am now a mother and often times have my daughter in the car with me, I notice them all the time. And I keep away. BUT, I will call the cops. Because as far as I am concerned, anyone swerving over three lanes on the highway while driving 20 mph UNDER the speed limit should NOT be driving. Nor should the drunken fool driving 300 mph and tailgating everyone in his path. We all know what happens if these people crash, right? They kill innocent people. Because the alcohol somehow relaxes their bodies to the point that it helps actually PREVENT injury. Go figure.

Oh – just so you know? As much as I hate the above mentioned drivers, there ARE times when I will give in with the whole merging and stop sign situations – and those are the times when Lexie is with me. I may push it, but not too far. Her safety is first, after all. But if I am alone in the car – DON’T MESS WITH ME. Stupid cutting-in-front-and-ignoring-stop-sign-etiquette people.