CAN Money Buy Love??

I just read a post by Jill singing the praises of The Beatles’ “Can’t Buy Me Love” (Pun intended). I really enjoyed it, but I also felt compelled to comment that although I agreed with the sentiment, I knew there were plenty of people who didn’t. Case in point: Mrs. Dentist.

Mrs. Dentist used to be my downstairs neighbor, and she became my downstairs neighbor because a good friend of mine was dating her and she needed a place to live. She was moving here from Peoria, and it just so happened the place below mine was unoccupied and the owner was looking to rent it out. Initially, we hit it off well. She was a few years younger than I, but our daughters were the same age. She was very giggly and almost TOO friendly, but I figured that was just how she was. A Costa Rican exotic beauty, she had the long dark hair and big dark eyes, and a body that I (admittedly) was jealous of. While she dated my friend, he painted the entire place for her, helped her move in, and (I discovered later) supplemented her income to help pay the rent. My friend was an all-around nice guy, good-looking and smart. How he got sucked into her life is beyond me, probably had something to do with (ahem) s-e-x.

Anyway, about two months after she moves in, she breaks up with my friend, leaving him devastated. And a week later he and I go to dinner, ostensibly to get his mind off of her. Two things happened that evening that opened my eyes to this woman: First, when I went downstairs to tell Lexie I was leaving (yes, Lexie still hung out with her daughter at that point and I still trusted her to watch Lex) a guy who works on the floor of my work building was sitting in her living room. An OBNOXIOUS guy that nobody likes. BUT, he owns his own company, and therefore looks good on paper. (I say he looks good on paper for a reason – remember that comment, I’ll get back to it later.) In her kitchen was a vase holding a dozen long-stemmed roses. Mr. LGOP gave me the old “SMALL WORLD! Har-de-har” obnoxious greeting and after finding out I was going to dinner, told me I should try this place in the mall, which is where he and Ms. Neighbor went on their first date a few months ago. A FEW MONTHS AGO? She and Good Friend just broke up a WEEK ago…! With an uneasy smile, I left. Then, when I met Good Friend, he proceeded to tell me that they had been discussing marriage and right after he suggested a prenup (he is quite comfortable but supports two kids from his previous marriage) she broke up with him. Hmmmmmm. Without breaking his heart more by telling him about Mr. LGOP, I convinced him she wasn’t worth it.

Ms. Neighbor, in the meantime, tried feeding me some BS about how Good Friend wasn’t who I thought he was, he had problems, he was too needy – and she needed stability (translation – cashola, maybe?). Mr. LGOP was buying a house for them and she told me they would be moving out soon. And when they did, she would be able to quit her job and continue to pursue her MD online. (I kid you not, she told me she was going to med school ONLINE. Who knows, maybe she is…?) In the meantime, Mr. LGOP starts practically living in her place after only a couple weeks, supposedly because he gave up his rented place until “their house” was ready. Next thing you know, Neighbor Kid announces her, her mom and Mr. LGOP are going to Vegas next month because they are getting married. And that’s when I started having major issues.

Lexie started telling me how every time she went over there, Ms. Neighbor would tell her and Neighbor Kid to “watch tv” while she and Mr. LGOP went into her bedroom to “study.” With the door closed. And Neighbor Kid told Lexie that she had to go to bed every night at 7:30 because her mom had “things to do.” I don’t THINK so. Then Lexie starts asking me questions, like, “So, mom, if you meet a guy, he’ll have to own a big house, right?” Ummm, no…. “But he’ll have to at least be able to AFFORD a big house, right?” Ummmm, WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM?? “Well, Ms. Neighbor says you should never date a man who can’t afford lots of stuff. And who has LOTS of money.” Oh, REALLY? I spent a lot of quality time debunking that myth and explaining to my daughter that it is WRONG to use a man for money, and that LOVE is what is important. That it is perfectly ok for a woman to be independent and on her own, that you don’t NEED a man to be special or to take care of you, and you CERTAINLY shouldn’t date a man ONLY because he has money. Her response? “That’s not what Ms. Neighbor says.” AAARRGGHH!! Explaining to a ten-year-old the sugar-daddy premise is NOT easy, and I had to tread carefully, since she WAS still friends with Neighbor Kid, who I actually felt sorry for. I think she finally understood, and swore she would wait for true love rather that settle someone she wasn’t happy with, but who was weatlhy. “After all, mom, you’ve been alone, like, FOREVER!” Yay, Lex, thanks for reminding me.

Ok, so remember when I said Mr. LGOP only “LGOP?” Turns out he was in it past his eyeballs. Everything he bought her was charged, and he was drowning in the bills. The house fell through, and the puppy he bought Neighbor Kid had to be returned. He lost his office space in our building, and was scrambling to make ends meet. So what happened next? Did the Vegas wedding proceed? Surprise, surprise! HELL NO! She kicked him to the curb faster than you could say “Show me the money!”

The next poor sap was Cute Neighbor’s buddy. Now, he was warned, but didn’t listen. Exotic Ms. Neighbor giggled and batted her eyelashes just enough to get him to send her flowers and take her out. After a few weeks, she asked him to help her pay her credit card bills. When he refused (apologetically, though, the moron), she started avoiding him.

Enter Mr. Dentist. The guy who she claimed she had “known forever.” Hard to believe since she just moved up from Peoria less than a year ago and had been married to a Jehova’s Witness (Neighbor Kid’s dad) since age 18 (oh, and he was 33 – they divorced when he decided that rather than spend his trust fund, he wanted to save it, preach, and live with his parents in their basement). Mr. Dentist is the epitome of a dentist – skinny, geeky, mute. (I swear, I don’t think I ever heard him talk.) But he practices in an affluent suburb and has a huge house in said suburb. Never married, no kids (i.e. – no strings attached!) and in his late 40’s. Oh, and? Ms. Neighbor informed Cute Neighbor’s Friend, HE paid ALL her credit card bills. It wasn’t long before Neighbor Kid was once again telling Lexie how they were going to be moving into a HUGE house with a jaccuzzi and a backyard and they would have LOTS of money and her mom would never have to work again. Only this time, she was right. Mr. Dentist married Ms. Neighbor in a quiet backyard wedding about four months after they started dating, and now, three months later, she is pregnant.

So I ask you – CAN money buy love? Apparently Mr. Dentist thinks so. And for that matter, so does Mrs. Dentist. Maybe they really ARE happy, but from her track record, I can’t see that being the case. Although happiness to Mrs. Dentist is probably way different than happiness to most people. Happiness to her is material things, whereas happiness to me is something you can’t put a price tag on.

Sure, I admit, there have been times where I wonder if maybe she IS right… maybe it WOULD be easier to just settle for some rich, boring, ugly dude who will worship me and take care of me… I wouldn’t have to worry about bills ever again, Lexie could have everything she’s ever wanted, I could live in a nice house with lots of room, take vacations every year… But then I realize that it’s just not ME. I could never settle like that, and to me it wouldn’t be fair to Mr. Moneybags, either. Why shouldn’t HE have the true love, too, instead of some tramp lusting after his bank account?

If I fall in love with someone who happens to be comfortable, I’d consider it a perk. But not a necessity. Because I agree with you Paul – money CAN’T buy love.