Passive Aggression

Well, it's that time of the year again. The time of year when it gets cold outside, and also the time of year my downstairs neighbors cook about 80 million tons of curry daily and suffocate the rest of the building.

I hate my neighbors. Not all my neighbors, only them. And honestly, I probably wouldn't hate them if they preferred cooking, say, chocolate cake every day rather than curry. But nooooooo. For whatever reason, as soon as it gets cold outside and we have no real ventilation in the building and recycle our heat from the hallways, they jack up the cooking big time. The first time I smelled the overpowering and nauseating odor, I thought I would die. I propped open the front door and hoped that the fresh air would somehow make the smell dissipate. And it DID help, but not entirely. That odor has got to be the most permeating and lingering smell in the entire UNIVERSE. For those of you who actually like curry, please know that I have nothing against the spice in general, I just DON'T WANT MY HOME TO SMELL LIKE IT. And due to crosswinds or whatever, MY unit seems to be the final resting place for the smell when the front door isn't open.

See, their unit is on the first floor, right side. My unit is on the top floor, left side. Since odors rise, and I swear it IS a crosswind thing, I can literally be just sitting in my living room watching tv when my nostrils are suddenly assaulted with the pungent aroma. AAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Initially I had posted a note on the front door, blaming Lexie's allergies (who can deny a CHILD the right to breathe?) and asked that if they are cooking, to PLEASE leave the door open for ventilation. But apparently they have become immune to the smell themselves, because Punjab (not his real name, but it COULD be) informed me one day when I was about to keel over that he and his wife didn't smell anything, and they hadn't been cooking. Either this guy is an out and out LIAR, or they are both completely olfactorarily challenged. I put on my best patronizing smile, and said (through gritted teeth), "Well, my daughter and I CAN smell SOMETHING, so PLEASE leave the door opened to air out the building."

I am not the only one in the building who smells this, either, the other two tenants gag when they enter the hallway, as well. But they say that it doesn't really get into their actual UNITS they way it does mine. In any case, they always prop open the door if they chance to enter the hallway when it reeks, too. Then I discovered that there is a vent on the floor in the front hallway by our mailboxes. I believe this vent is directly connected to the Curry People's unit, so every time I pass it, I nonchalantly use my foot to roll it closed. And guess what? That actually helped. Because did I mention too that the smell travels through all the open vents so that when I have my heat on, I get curry scented heat flowing through my home? I was pretty happy about my new discovery, between that, propping the front door closed, and a brazilian (hat tip, Alice!) scented candles, you really couldn't smell the curry anymore. Until our little war started.

One day, while sitting and relaxing I heard the unmistakable sound of the front door slamming. I sat upright, blinked, and looked at Lexie. "Did you hear that?" I asked. She nodded solemnly. I got up and opened my front door, only to be greeted by the noxious fumes. Through the stinging tears in my eyes, I saw that SOMEONE HAD CLOSED THE FRONT DOOR. Holding my breath, I ran down the stairs, and propped it open more firmly. Glancing at the floor, I noticed that THE VENT WAS OPEN, TOO. One flick of my foot, and vent closed. THE NERVE. I dashed back upstairs to light more candles to preempt any additional nasal attacks.

Twenty minutes later, SLAM! Again, those Curry Cooking Assholes had shut the door AND the vent. So again, I opened the door and shut the vent. This happened several times, and every time, I undid their damage. One time, they actually posted a note on the front door, "Please keep the front door closed for our warmth and security." WHAT THE F&%*?? Have I mentioned that these tenants are the ONLY ones in our building with a personal security system in their unit? BELIEVE ME, YOU'RE SECURE. And WARMTH??? As often as you use your oven, you should be frickin SWEATING!!!!!! So I tore down the note and propped open the door.

Funny thing is, neither they nor I have confronted the other about the issue at hand. They just keep closing/opening, and I keep opening/closing. Although I think if there WERE to be a confrontation, I could probably kick their asses. Because I am a lot bigger than them. Unless, of course, they knock me out with curry first. But since I am non-confrontational, I choose to remain passive-aggressive. And keep buying candles. And I also bought some modeling clay to jam the vent shut with. Heh. Just haven't used it yet.

My dad suggested I just cook something with lots of garlic. I explained that this isn't a CONTEST, for crying out loud, I just want them to be a little CONSIDERATE. Which they definitely AREN'T being. Besides, I don't think they would be able to smell the garlic over the curry.

Yep, passive-aggression is the way to go. For now. Besides, continuously running up and down the stairs is good cardio, no?