Meet MY Jackass - Part Deux

Well, it looks like there are people who want to hear the rest after all, so here you go, guys!

So I get back home to Chicago, and once I get settled in, I start thinking. A lot. Because even though Brad stomped on my heart and was a total ass, I still wanted him. Why? I have no idea. I just did. At the very least, I wanted to see him again. I couldn’t just let sleeping dogs lie. Why? BECAUSE I WAS STUPID, that’s why.

Anyway, since it was April when all this happened, it was only about a month before the rest of my friends from college would be returning home for the summer. I needed to put my plan in motion stat. So I picked up the phone and called information. “Can I please get the number to Radio Shack in Western Suburbs?” (Oh, you’re gonna love where THIS is going…)

Once I had the number, I dialed it confidently and finally heard, “Thank you for calling Radio Shack, this is Karl, can I help you?”

Ohhhhh, yes, Karl, you CAN help me! In my best “butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-my-mouth” voice, I replied, “Hi, Karl, it’s Dasi. From The Frat. Remember?”

Well, Karl was sooo ecstatic to hear my voice and to learn that I had “come to my senses” and looked him up after “dumping his brother,” he invited me out to meet him that evening. Which, of course, I did. And we had a great dinner and good conversation, but the whole time in the back of my mind I kept thinking “heh heh heh – wait until I see Brad…” Yes, I admit it, I was basically using Karl to get to Brad. And before you get all “oh, you are SO wrong!” on me, let me just tell you to finish this story before you side with Karl.

Anyway. Karl and I continued seeing each other and about a week later, he invited me to his house for a party. Or should I say, BRAD’S house. I couldn’t wait. Even though I knew Brad was still in school, getting invited to his house was a big deal. I would get to see his home, see what kind of environment turned him into the jerk he was. I went out to the party after work that particular evening, and walked into a huge house that was filled with people. Karl greeted me with a kiss, pointed me in the direction of the beer, then disappeared, leaving me to fend for myself. I got a beer and sat inconspicuously on a bar stool in the finished basement. I watched the other people laughing and socializing and felt very left out, until an attractive and friendly brunette walked up to me.

“Hey,” she said, “I haven’t seen you around here before. My name’s Angie.”

I smiled back and replied, “That’s because I’m from the city. I’m Debbie, and I’m dating Karl.”

Angie’s face went from friendly to guarded. “Really?” she drawled, “So am I.”

I felt the blood drain from my face. This was NOT good. “Well, uh, I mean, I don’t REALLY like Karl anyway, I’m REALLY interested in Brad.”

Angie sucked her teeth. “Really?” Again: “So am I.”

Now, the funny thing here was that neither of us was really that upset. On the contrary, she was just as curious about ME as I was about HER. Turns out, she was Brad’s “girlfriend” at home, while I was his “girlfriend” at school. And we both were dumped around the same time. AND we both decided to “use” good old Karl – who, it turned out, was using US as well. (Are you following this? Because I LIVED it and it still confuses me sometimes!) Anyway, rather than confront Karl with our discovery, we decided to let him think we never met, and exchanged phone numbers promising to talk more later. I left shortly after, and called Angie the next day. Boy, did WE have a good conversation! Surprisingly, the two of us felt a bond and became pretty good friends, unbeknownst to Karl, and DEFINITELY unbeknownst to Brad, who was (still) at school. She invited me out to her place, and I met her mother, sisters, and brothers. Her mother was a single mom who went out a lot on the weekends, so I would go out to her house and we would hang out and drink and talk with her sister that was just a year younger than us. On the days neither of us had a date with Karl, that is, because we weren’t quite done with him yet.

Then came the day we both had been waiting for. Brad had come home, and Angie invited both him and Karl and a couple mutual friends over to her place on that Saturday night. Oh – and I was invited too. The trap was set. Neither Brad nor Karl had ANY IDEA I would be there, and Brad didn’t even know I had been seeing his brother. See, Karl thought it might not be a good idea to “rub it in his face” right away. (How thoughtful!) I got to Angie’s and we let her sister answer the door when they arrived. Classic!

To their credit, they maintained their composure well. Both of them. Although Karl’s smile seemed a bit forced. And he couldn’t exactly greet either me OR Angie with a kiss, since HE thought neither of us knew about the other. So while Karl stood frozen by the front door, Brad actually came up to me and gave me a hug. “Hey, Dasi! What’s up? Good to see you!”

Ok – YES, I said he gave me a hug, and YES, he said it was “good to see me.” So at this point, I am just as confused as Karl is and am wondering if maybe what happened at school DIDN’T really happen. AND, I am totally melting with his arms around me. Not good.

So now we have a situation wherein Brad is flirting with me, AND flirting with Angie, and poor Karl is trying his best NOT to flirt with either of us in front of the other, instead he is waiting until, say, one of us goes to the bathroom to cozy up to the other. Brad finally figures out that we both are dating Karl, but keeps his mouth shut, and Karl STILL doesn’t know anything. It was a verrrry interesting night.

Karl winds up calling both Angie and me about two minutes apart the next day, trying to find out how well we knew each other and how long we had been hanging out. Brad calls ME the next day and asks if I would like to meet him at a bar the following weekend. And I call Angie, who tells me Brad invited HER, too, and Karl is losing his mind. Now the issue became who was going to stay with whom, since we both were dating Karl but we both REALLY liked Brad. So we started playing the “well, we’ll just wait and see what happens” game.

THEN, Karl tells Angie he loves her, so she sleeps with him. Next day, he tells me he loves ME – but I resisted. Angie tells me about Karl’s declaration of love, and I feel obligated to tell her that I got the same declaration the following day. Fast forward to the following weekend at Angie’s. Same motley crew – Angie, myself, Brad, Karl, their friend Jamie, and Lisa, Angie’s sister. Angie confronts Karl, telling him that she and I knew all along he was dating both of us, but wanted to see how long HE would continue to string us along. Then she informs him that we are aware that he said “I love you” to BOTH of us, less than 24 hours apart, and demands to know HOW he could claim to love TWO PEOPLE at the same time?? His answer? (Get ready) “Look at Jesus, HE loved EVERYBODY!” Angie threw up her hands in exasperation, I started laughing, and neither of us ever went out with Karl again.

Which left Brad. Long story short, he strung both Angie and I along that whole summer, and still used Pink Floyd as his M.O. I must be honest, I kept the blinders on for a long while that summer before finally ripping them violently off and swearing off Brad forever. There was no prouder moment in my life than the day he turned on Pink Floyd while we were parked in his car and I actually said, “No.” Shocked the hell out of him, and he surprisingly smiled at me and took me back to the bar we had left earlier - supposedly “to talk” (yes, I knew he had no intention of talking, but I had gone anyway). That was the last time he came on to me.

It was around that time I met Kevin, and stopped going out to the West Suburbs completely. My friendship with Angie kind of fizzled, as it was pretty much based on our mutual interest in Brad, and in the end, we both hated him. Karl wound up marrying her sister, Lisa early the following year, and I actually went to that wedding. Go figure. (They are divorced, now though. I always thought that was kind of weird, considering Karl was Angie’s “first.” Just imagine her daughter – “Mom, who was the first guy you were with?” “Oh, that would be your Uncle Karl, honey.”) The last time Angie and I spoke a couple years after that fateful summer, she told me how Brad was getting fat and losing his hair and was STILL a total asshole. Which made me laugh.

Until the day I logged on to Classmates and looked up Brad.


Yep, I found him, and guess what? He is MARRIED to ANGIE and has TWO BEAUTIFUL KIDS. And? There were pictures. Lots and lots of pictures of the two of them looking happy with their cute kids and gorgeous house – and it bothered me. I don’t know why, because this was almost TWENTY YEARS after I had last seen him OR Angie, but I felt betrayed by her, and my first thought about Brad was “You should’ve picked me!” Even after twenty years. And even though I KNOW what a jerk he is.

So, there it is. My Jackass. Who for whatever reason, I will always remember – sometimes fondly, and sometimes bitterly, but dammit, some people you just CAN’T forget.