Keeping the Faith

Ok, I am about to tread into waters that may become shark infested, but I don’t care. This is my blog, and I can write what I want. So today, I have been inspired to write about religion.

Ooooooh, I KNOW I will catch a lot of flack for some of my opinions, but just to clarify, these are my OPINIONS and are not meant to insult anyone or their choice of religions. But I have been reading a lot of people’s blogs about Rosh Hashanah lately (of which I know absolutely NOTHING since I am not nor ever have been Jewish), and it made me ponder my own religious upbringing.

See, I was brought up Catholic. That’s right, good old-fashioned Irish (ok, ok, dad, German too) Catholic. I went to Catholic school for twelve years, and know how to recite the “Hail Mary” in English AND Spanish. I was taught by nuns who actually wore habits, and my earliest memories of grammar school include doing the sign of the cross and saying a Hail Mary over and over again every time we heard a siren. You know, because people in ambulances usually need extra prayers. (When I asked what happened if it was a police car or fire truck, I was shot a steely look and informed that people who need the police or people in fires need prayers too. AND so do the policemen and firemen, for that matter.)

Anyway, back when I was in grammar school, a lot of the Catholic religion was based on fear. Still is, actually. I mean, come on – sinners will BURN IN HELL. Not a nice thought, is it? Not only will you NOT get to go to Heaven and float around with the angels, but you will BURN IN HELL. And in order to be a sinner, all you had to do was something seemingly not that bad, for example - lie to your parents. ONCE. Yesiree, folks, lie to your parents and you will BURN IN HELL. Cheat on a test and you will BURN IN HELL. Eat meat on Fridays during Lent and you will BURN IN HELL. Skip Church to sleep in and you will BURN IN HELL. Get the gist of it? We were a group of absolutely terrified children back then. Especially since we knew there was pretty much NO WAY we could constantly be THAT good, no matter how hard we tried. So we knew in our hearts that somewhere down the road our lives would be over and we would BURN IN HELL.

Until we made reconciliation. Otherwise known as confession. Saved!! In third grade, we were given the opportunity to meet with a priest and tell him all our sins, then say a few prayers and all was forgiven. Sweet! Especially since the priests were sworn by God not to tell ANYONE what you confessed to them. So if you happened to die after you went to confession but before you sinned again, you wouldn’t have to BURN IN HELL. The hard part was trying to save up sinning until closer to the next time you went to confession, just in case you happened to die sooner than planned. And to be honest, I never really told the priest ALL my sins – let’s face it, there always seemed to be something that you just couldn’t blurt out to ANYONE (i.e. I wished that Sister Mary Catherine Josephine Angelica would die a horrible death) for fear that it would be the ONE time God allowed the priest to share your sins with the world. And believe me, Sisters were NOT as forgiving as priests.

Confirmation was the next big sacrament, and to be honest, I never really understood the whole concept. Supposedly at that point you let the Holy Spirit into yourself. I think. All I was sure of was that I got to choose a new name (Elizabeth) and a sponsor, who was someone who was supposed to have your back in the eyes of the church. I chose my cousin D, since she was as close to perfect as anyone I knew. (Actually, she still is, since now she is married with triplet daughters AND a twin son and daughter and still has not gone insane.) This sacrament had to be performed by a Bishop (at the VERY least), apparently regular priests just weren’t important enough to deal with the coming of the Holy Spirit.

When you learn sex ed in Catholic school, it goes something like this: the teacher splits the class into boys and girls, then each class gets taught the very technical mechanics of reproduction and (gasp) sexuality. Once this is done, a priest comes into the class and tells everyone that everything you just learned is a SIN and you will BURN IN HELL unless you have received the sacrament of marriage first. (Major sinner, here!!)

In high school, we learned that gay was evil, abortion was forbidden, and any religion other than Catholic was wrong. It was around this time that I began SERIOUSLY questioning the whole concept. First off, Hell. If God is so loving and all-forgiving, how could he send someone to a place as terrible as Hell? Makes no sense to me. And the whole creationism thing? Come on. POOF! There’s people! POOF! There’s animals! Impossible. I mean, common sense, look at how EVERYTHING evolved. Not only people, EVERYTHING. But according to the Bible, God just magically made everything appear. Okayyyy.

Speaking of the Bible… I have serious issues with the Bible. My personal belief is that the Bible is basically a storybook. It was written by people who may or may not have been around during the actual events described, but either way simply wrote what THEY thought. Or how THEY perceived things to be. It has never been claimed that God actually wrote the Bible, so why are so many people so quick to quote passages or use it as a weapon? The Bible is many people’s own interpretation of the Catholic religion. Which is fine, wonderful, even. But it was also written thousands of years ago, and times have changed. Sure, the basics will always remain the same, “love thy neighbor,” “do unto others,” but those people who use the Bible to support bombing abortion clinics or gay-bashing are just SO wrong on SO many levels, I can’t even begin to get into it.

And hello? The catholic priest issue? I have personally known someone who was abused by a priest, and also know that this same priest was having an affair with SEVERAL single mothers in the parish at the same time. All the while claiming he was “doing God’s work” and preaching about sin during mass. THIS pretty much became the straw that broke the camel’s back, if you will. I couldn’t STAND to listen to that hypocritical priest any longer. (He eventually went on sabbatical and never returned, but I don’t think he was ever punished, either…)

You know, the Catholic faith is the only one that will not allow priests to marry, and I really think that this rule should be changed. Seriously. Take a lot of the pressure off. You don’t hear about Rabbis or Muslim religious leaders or Lutheran ministers or Baptist preachers being accused of molestation, only Catholic priests. Hmmmmmmm.

And why is it that the Pope gets so much press, but you never hear about other religious leaders? I don’t think I even KNOW any. Why are Catholics so arrogant that they believe only THEY are right? What happens when they walk through the Pearly Gates and see God wearing a yarmulke with his gay buddy Mohammed and Mary Magdalene lounging around (still unmarried, but with a bunch of kids) all singing upbeat Gospel tunes? Uh, oh!

Now, before you attack me on this, I just want to say that I DEFINITELY believe in God. Always have, always will. I just have a hard time with organized religion. I don’t think God is going to desert you if you don’t go to Church every Sunday, or AT ALL. I don’t think you need to recite prayers you don’t even understand to get His attention. I think a simple, “Hey God, what’s up?” thought in your mind is enough. I believe in teaching my daughter morals, and about God, and she DID go to God-school long enough to make Communion (some of those things the nuns drilled into me won’t go away – I had to have her baptized so she wouldn’t wind up in Limbo, for instance, and she had to make her communion to get to Heaven), but now we have our own personal way of communicating with God.

As it was, Lexie once tried to explain Easter Sunday to me as such: “You see, Jesus was nailed to the cross and died for us, then they buried him, and then he rose from the dead, so now he’s a zombie.” Ok, so to a five-year old, that made perfect sense. If you rise from the dead, you’re a zombie. Period. I just made sure she didn’t share that with her God-school teacher. (“Two more years, honey, make your communion and you’re done!”)

I realize that lots of people feel that having organized religion gives them comfort, and stability, but I just can’t seem to do it. I respect other people’s ideals and beliefs, I just have my own. If my daughter decides she wants to convert to a different religion or start going to Catholic church, I will support her, I just won’t join her. And I think God will understand. He and I have this thing, you know?