I STILL Hate Satan

Perfect. JUST FUCKING PERFECT. I realize that normally I keep this blog “family friendly” and refrain from actually typing curse words in their entirety, but today, believe me, I need to use the word FUCK. Because I am stressed out, pissed off, and need to vent. Or else I think I may cause an aneurysm.

My co-worker had been out sick for the last two days, leaving me to fend for myself with Satan. No biggie, I’ve done it before. But he has been a TOTAL FUCKING ASSHOLE both days. And there is ABSOLUTELY NO CHANGE TODAY. M is back in the office, and for whatever reason, he is treating her like a fucking queen, and me like the red-headed stepchild. And to top it off, she just got flowers delivered from a client. Like I said, JUST FUCKING PERFECT.

For the last two days (three, including today) I have gritted my teeth and tried to ignore the sarcasm dripping from Satan’s mouth when he spoke to me. Or should I say AT me, since he really doesn’t EVER speak TO anyone. I TRIED to not get upset when he condescendingly told me I “didn’t know what I was doing” yesterday because I failed to ask a potential client whether the moldy trailer he got sick in was actually OWNED by the building company he worked for. Wait – actually I DID ask him that, but when I told Satan ‘yes,’ he condescendingly said “Are you SURE? Because you know, SOMETIMES they are contracted out.” I told him, yes, he told me it was owned by the company, and he gave me the “you-are-such-a-stupid-pathetic-girl-and-I-am-SO-SUPERIOR” look, not saying a word, just staring, until I finally mumbled, “ok, so I’ll ask again” which is when he decided to lecture me (much like a small child) on how I shouldn’t pretend to know what I am doing, when I OBVIOUSLY don’t. Dismissed.

Back to the potential, who told me (again) that yes, the trailer was owned by the company, NOT contracted out. I reported this back to Satan, who was like “Ok, whatever. Tell him I’ll call him back.”

That was yesterday. The day before was just basically dumping file after file on my desk, having me do work that he suddenly decided had to be done IMMEDIATELY. Even though I have a damn good docketing system and always get my work done expeditiously. I pointed out politely that some of these things were on my calendar for the next day or the next week, and he responded, “Well, I want them done NOW.” Which, of course, threw off the work I had already docketed to do that day.

Today, I came in for a fresh start. Actually, EVERY day I try to just forget about anything that went wrong the day before and just do the ‘I won’t let him get to me today’ mantra. I had to bring in the old icky monitor to be shipped back to the factory (yes, I FINALLY got my pretty new monitor!) and took a whole minute of company time to tape it closed. Out of his cave comes Satan. “What are we shipping?” he asked. I told him it was just something I had to return, and I needed to tape it closed. *GLARE* I shrugged it off. He walked away. I brought it up front to be picked up, and was told by the receptionist since it was a Fed Ex Ground, I needed to call and have a pickup scheduled. So I went back to my office, and did so. It was an automated system, and I was on for literally 30 seconds and had punched in all the info. As the voice told me they were getting my confirmation number, Satan slammed a file on my desk and glared at me. “Who are you talking to?” he demanded. I was trying to hear the number, and told him, “One second, please, let me just get this…” and wrote down the number and hung up. He said, louder, “WHAT CLIENT WAS THAT ON?” I said, “I’m sorry, it wasn’t a client, the receptionist told me I had to schedule my pickup myself, so-” “DO NOT MAKE ME WAIT WHILE YOU ARE ON A PERSONAL CALL. HANG UP!! Now, I need you to blah blah blah…” I could feel my face flushing. What I WANTED to say was “Well, ASSHOLE, if you hadn’t DROPPED the monitor I had delivered here LAST MONTH, I wouldn’t even BE returning THIS stupid monitor, so THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, TECHNICALLY!!!” Of course, I didn’t.

A few minutes later, M was chit chatting with her boyfriend, with Satan in earshot. After a few more minutes, she hung up, and he asked her, “So, how is B anyway? Have you two been watching the Olympics?” WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? She talks to her boyfriend and gets a friendly conversation, I try to make a two minute call to have the monitor he FUCKING BROKE picked up, and I get YELLED AT???? Ok, deep breaths…

Lest you think I am overreacting and that Satan isn’t as bad as I make him out to be, allow me to point out a few additional Satan-Facts:

** He settled a $7 million dollar case right around Christmas a few years ago, and got just under $3 million for his fee. Both my co-worker and I had put in a lot of work on this file as well. What did we (the ONLY support staff, may I add) get for Christmas that year? A $100 gift certificate. Oh, AND a box of Florida oranges.

** He gave the receptionist a restaurant gift card for Christmas that had a zero balance. She didn’t find out until AFTER she had eaten dinner with her boyfriend and tried to pay.

** He makes his wife cry – often. One time he yelled at her in the office in front of us, because she took the 35 mm film out of the boxes before she put it in the supply cabinet and therefore, he couldn’t find it. Apparently, if it is not in the bright yellow boxes, dumbass doesn’t recognize it.

** He chastized the associate attorney (who is older than him and a great guy) for speaking to a client about her case without discussing it with HIM first. Apparently, even though the associate does all the work on the files AND goes to all the court dates, he can ONLY speak to certain clients with Satan’s permission. Which he CLEARLY did not have for this particular one. “And I’ve DISCUSSED this before with you, J”

** He ALWAYS walks up while you are talking to a client and tries talking to you at the same time. Loudly. Saying things like “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO HIM?? WHAT IS HE ASKING?? PUT HIM ON HOLD!!” Just so you can explain what the gist of the conversation was and he can either a) tell you you are a complete moron and to put the call through to him, or b) say “oh, ok” and walk away, leaving you to explain to the client what all the yelling was about.

** When I asked to take a week of my vacation time to go to my brother’s wedding in Hawaii, he told me I shouldn’t take so much time off so early in my calendar year (which starts in June – the wedding was in August) since “your daughter always gets sick and you can’t go over your three weeks’ vac/sick time.” Yet he takes off three weeks over spring break for one family vacation, and two weeks in the summer for another family vacation, and of course, whenever the hell else he wants, since he’s the boss. Which I get, but DON’T tell me I can’t take vacation time that’s coming to me, and DON’T throw the fact that I’m a single mom in my face.

I could go on forever, but I won’t. And ok, before my brother logs on and comments how “at least you can still blog during business hours” I REALIZE this. I am very aware that I DO get away with a lot as far as sneaking on the computer and when he is gone I pretty much do a lot of nothing, BUT I pay for that with my self esteem every day he IS in the office. I have been in this business for over ten years now, five in this office alone, and I resent being treated like an idiot or a child. DON’T talk down to me. DON’T sneer in my face. DON’T reprimand me for stupid things that are so insignificant they shouldn’t even matter.

No wonder I have active rosacea (face flushing due to stress) and chronic tightness and pain in my shoulders. It’s amazing I don’t have an ulcer. I need to get my book finished and published. PLEASE buy it when I do, so I can leave this godforsaken job forever!!

I think I will listen to Eminem’s “Puke” on the way home. Maybe singing that will make me feel better. Or MAYBE some nice “poor Dasi” comments will help, too. Not that I’m trying to pressure any of you, of course…

I HATE SATAN.