Valentine's Day

Usually on Valentine’s Day I wear black and play Scrooge in February. This year, however, I have become more laid back. I find it hard to be grouchy today – in all honesty, my super-cute little baby nephew may have a lot to do with that. But I also think it goes beyond my happiness at becoming an aunt.

I think this year, I have become more philosophical about the whole thing. Rather than player-hate and pretend to gag at the sight of PDA’s on this February 14th, I find myself genuinely happy for the people who have been lucky enough to find their Mr. or Ms. Right. And even for those who just have a Mr./Ms. Right Now. It’s nice to know that love exists in the world, especially with all the hate you see every day in the newspapers and on the television. Now, do I wish I could find that elusive love of my life? Of course. Have I come close? Probably. But the bottom line is that I’m also terrified of finding my “soulmate.”

Why? What a stupid question! If I were to find my soulmate, my life would change drastically. And that scares me. See, for 30-some odd years I have been on my own. Independent. Making my own rules. With the exception of a few years during “TBOTE” I was always in charge of my own destiny, if you will. And having someone infiltrate my domain… well… I’m not too sure how I feel about that.

I know, I know, it sounds utterly ridiculous, but I LIKE watching way too much tv. And I LIKE walking around in my underwear after showering (ok, so that may not have to change with a guy in the picture…). I LIKE hogging ALL of my king size bed, and stretching out without kicking someone. I enjoy not having to check with someone else when I make plans. I like not wearing makeup and wearing my hair in a ponytail as often as possible. I like not having to worry about cleaning my house every single day – and only washing the kitchen floors when I start to stick to them. I like earning my own money, and spending my own money, and not having to answer to anyone for any of it. I like buying junk food at the grocery store if I want, and I like making dinner at 6:00 or 8:00 depending on my mood. I ADORE my cats, and my daughter, and my family, and my friends – and there is a chance that this infiltrator may not. Because really, not everyone gets along with everyone all the time.

So – do I remain in my cozy little cocoon of a life and concentrate on what I have and am comfortable with? Or do I put myself out there to find other things I sometimes wish I had, like:

Someone who will call me on my cell and ask me how long before he sees me… Someone who will help Lexie with her homework and make both of us laugh… Someone who can sit quietly and watch SOME of my favorite shows with me – but who will give me shit about the stupid ones and give me better things to do instead… Someone who listens to me when I’ve had a bad day and tries to cheer me up… Someone who actually enjoys joining me at family gatherings and outings with friends, and remembers everyone’s name… Someone who tells me I’m beautiful even when I don’t feel like I am… Someone who makes me feel safe and warm and not crowded in my king size bed at night… Someone whose eyes see straight through to my soul…

It’s a toss up. But in any case, rest assured I will NOT spend this Valentine’s Day like I did the one in college. Which was spent drinking a bottle of Apple Schnapps shot by shot and writing down a toast for each and every shot. (The list was actually very humorous, although a bit illegible near the end…) I think I will spend this one being happy for those who have already found true romantic love, and being grateful for those I love unconditionally – my family, my friends, and, of course – my cats.

(And speaking of those I love – if you haven’t already – scroll down to see my NEWEST LOVE – Erik!!)

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!