Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Who would’ve thought that this day would ever come? That one day, I would be singing the praises of my boss rather than lamenting my fate as his employee? Certainly not I. Then again, how could I have known the ecstasy I would feel from one trip to good old Wrigley Field??

Ok, just so you know, I am a die hard Cub fan. DIE HARD. Which means even if they screw up (which I am the first to admit they invariably do) I will love them anyway. I REFUSE to jump off the Cubs bandwagon and cheer for that OTHER Chicago team, no matter what. Seriously, if you are a TRUE Cub fan and the World Series is being played between the White Sox and the Cardinals, as far as you are concerned, baseball season is officially over. End of story. (No, not end of THIS story, don’t worry.) So for those of you unfamiliar with Cub players, this won’t seem too exciting for you, and you may not even understand it. And for you Sox fans, you probably won’t care (and I won’t care if YOU don’t care). But for myself and the katrillion other Cubs fans reading this, you will understand my unadulterated feelings of joy.

Satan approached M and I on Monday, and asked if we would be interested in going to the Cub game on Thursday night. Now, this isn’t all that unusual, as he usually takes “the office” (which consists of myself, M, Satan, and J, the other attorney) to a Cubs game every year. And he always gets INCREDIBLE seats. Like a couple rows behind the Cubs dugout. That in itself is pretty awesome. But it’s usually a day game, so M wasn’t too keen on the idea. I, of course, would NEVER give up an opportunity to see my guys, especially when they are playing the Cardinals and Mark Prior is pitching. J, unfortunately, had to go to some school thing for his daughter, so he couldn’t make it. Which meant I had to convince M to go or the whole plan would be wiped out. Well, it took a little convincing (and a promise of alcohol), but M agreed she would give up an evening to join us at Wrigley. And since J couldn’t make it, Mrs. Satan was going to go in his place. Which was cool, because M and I really like Mrs. S, and we figured she’d probably keep him on an even keel for the night, too.

Anyway, the day before the game, I start hearing about the Hurricane Relief Fundraiser the Cubs were planning on doing. Apparently, players, their wives, broadcasters, coaches – EVERYONE was going to be at the front gates of Wrigley for the first hour the gates were open collecting money for the hurricane victims. If you donated $5, you got a little Cubs pin, and got to meet some players. The only problem was, the gates opened at 5:05, and I honestly did not think Satan would even let us leave the office until 5:00. Boy, did he surprise me!

When we got to the office yesterday, he mentioned that he thought we should leave around 3:15 or 3:30. (??) Even I knew that was pretty darn early, but I kept my mouth shut. Well, about leaving too early, at least. I DID take that opportunity to tell him about the fundraiser, which he actually seemed interested in. When Mrs. S got to the office and I told her, she was REALLY interested. And I, being the picture-happy person that I am, of course had my camera. So we all left and drove out to the city, actually enjoying some casual conversation. When we got to Wrigley (as I figured) it was only about 4:20. So after Satan forked over $40 for parking (crazy, I agree) we decided to go to the Cubby Bear for a drink.

How weird is that? Sitting with Satan and having a drink in an actual bar?? Pretty weird, I must say. But what was REALLY funny was when Lexie called me on my cell and asked where I was. (She was waiting to be picked up by a friend’s mom to spend the night – don’t worry, I didn’t abandon her!) I told her a bar, and she was all like, “With SATAN? Who’s driving?? Why are you at a bar with SATAN??” Apparently my daughter is all too aware of my usual feelings towards the man. I told her Satan was driving, I was fine, and be good and listen to Kara’s mom. Then she told me “Don’t get too drunk to answer you phone.” God, I love my daughter. Anyway, after only ONE drink at the bar (which Satan paid for as well) we headed to the gates.

At the front gate, we could see Ron Santo talking to people and signing autographs. I wanted to just go in and walk around inside, but Satan wanted to walk on the outside and see who else was at the other gates. For once, I am SO GLAD he suggested that. We came to the next gate, and I had a blonde vision. There, with his arms under his shirt, standing next to his wife, was none other than Kerry Wood. Ok, I like Kerry, and people who know my brother know HE likes Kerry, but there is one person in the world who loves him more. My mother. Now, just so you don’t get the wrong idea, she loves him like a son. Seriously. She thinks he looks like my brother, and just ADORES the man. So without even really asking, I headed toward the gate.

We got in right away, and I called my mom on my cell. When she answered, I told her to hang on, and I went up to Kerry and said, “Could you PLEASE say hello to my mom who absolutely ADORES you?” And he laughed, and said sure. So I held the phone up to his ear, and he said, “Hello Mom who absolutely ADORES me!” But then he said, “I can’t hear her…” so I took the phone back and told my mom it was Kerry Wood on the phone. She didn’t believe me, and actually called me a liar, but I swore to her it was true. Then I told Kerry she didn’t believe me, so he pulled his good arm out from under his shirt and took the phone and told her, “No seriously, this really IS Kerry Wood.” And he talked to her for a couple of minutes. The guy is awesome. He TOTALLY made her century. And I took a couple pictures of him laughing on the phone with her before he said goodbye.

Things from there just kept getting better. We met Derek Lee, Aramis Ramirez, Nomar and Mia, Ron Santo, Todd Walker, Jose Macias… and I got pictures with most of them. Then we saw Michael Barrett, who got beaned in the head the night before. I went up to him and said, “Michael! Are you ok? I was SO WORRIED about you!” (Which I was, by the way. I at first thought the guy was dead, for God’s sake. I mean, it was a HARD HIT, and he just laid there for a while.) He laughed and told me he was fine, his headache was even gone now. And then SNAP! another picture. Last guy we saw was my buddy, Jeromy Burnitz. You may recall from a previous post that he threw a baseball to me at a past game. Well, I told him he threw me a ball and my daughter and I loved him for it, which made him laugh. Another CUTE picture.

By this point, M was getting really sick of taking my picture, so we finally went to our seats. Which, of course, were awesome as expected. Satan and Mrs. S took a walk around, while M and I checked out the pictures we took. The only bummer part was that S and the Mrs. told us they saw Carlos Zambrano and Corey Patterson during their walk, but that they had to leave. Oh, well, another time.

The game itself pretty much sucked, the Cubs played like they usually do, although they DID have some pretty good infield plays thanks to Nomar. And Derek Lee hit another home run (so what else is new?). It also POURED off and on, which didn’t really bother me until today when I woke up with a sore throat and sounding like Marge Simpson’s sister. The last surprise of the evening came when S told me that I should come into work at 8:30 like usual, and M could come in at 9:30, then I could leave an hour early and she would stay until 5:00. WHAT??? Satan being NICE EVEN MORE??? I think the apocalypse is coming. But if it is, at least I got to meet some of the Cubs first.