Phone Calls from HELL

Last night the phone rang around 8:30. With a Florida number. Just to get you up to speed, Lexie’s grandparents on her so-called “father’s” side live in Florida. Now before you get all huffy on me for the “so-called father” part, you should know that this is a man who has not seen nor attempted to see his own daughter since she was four months old. He had never sent a birthday card, or a Christmas gift, or a letter. Well, wait, yes he did, actually. This past Christmas, after almost TEN YEARS, he did send a very brief letter and a card with a little necklace, and he signed the card “Rick (Dad).” Of course, he did this after I sent a scathing letter to him about what a loser he was for missing his daughter’s entire life, and how nice it was for him to be living off his new wife’s child support, since he never paid any himself for his own child. (Yes, folks, as close as I can figure, he owes approximately $40,000.00 in arrears.) In his letter, he suggested to Lexie that maybe they could write each other (since he now lived in Florida too) and get to know each other, and someday see each other. My daughter approached me with this letter after reading it, and crying, and told me that since he ignored HER for almost ten years, maybe she would ignore HIM now. And she gave me the necklace and told me she didn’t want it. Can’t blame the kid, really, but it broke my heart. She doesn’t deserve an asshole like that for a father, but I still won’t tell her that. I try to be neutral and tell her that no matter what, he is still her father, and maybe if he ever DOES come around, she should give him a chance. Which kills me to say, by the way, but she has to come to her own conclusions about him. It’s not my place to bad-mouth him to her. Anyway, now that she is getting older, she has her own thoughts on the whole situation, and who can blame her? She feels hurt, angry and abandoned. She wants nothing to do with him. And true to form, since she didn’t write the jerk back, he hasn’t even bothered to write her again since that one and only letter. Just goes to show how serious he was about forging a relationship with his only child.

So – back to the phone call. Since the beginning, his parents have treated Lexie well. They always send cards and gifts on holidays (since they are in FL and we are in IL) and once a year come to town and see Lexie. Only last year, they didn’t see her because we were in Hawaii for my brother’s wedding. And now this year, Lexie wants nothing to do with them. She told me that they don’t even know her, every time they send her a gift, it is way too small or not her style or TOTALLY age-inappropriate (i.e., last year they sent her Barbie toys). She said they never call her, and aren’t there for her like her REAL grandparents (my mom & dad). And I really think in a way she feels betrayed by them since she knows her father lives in Florida by them and he will see THEM but not HER. I can’t really get upset with her, and I don’t want to force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, so I just ignored the call. We listened to the message, and she said “Mom, please don’t call them back. I DON’T want to see them.” So I didn’t. For now. For now I am trying to decide just how to handle this. I mean, do I just ignore them COMPLETELY and let them figure it out? Or do I call them and tell them their granddaughter wants nothing to do with them? Which is the lesser of two evils?

I have to respect my daughter’s wishes, because I am not going to force her to have a relationship with people she feels uncomfortable with. I will also support her when (or if) she decides to meet her father. But for right now, with this specific situation, I am stumped on what to do. My father always tells me “blood is thicker than water” and that no matter how nice his parents are to me, they will always back their son in the end. (Even though he is a raging alcoholic/drug-addict at 45. Who apparently doesn’t work, or is working for cash under the table to avoid paying support. Sorry, I digress.) Anyway, he’s probably right, and I SHOULDN’T trust them, to be honest another one of my fears is that he came with them from Florida and if we arrange a get-together – SURPRISE! – HE will be there. And I KNOW Lexie does NOT need that right now.

So that is one major thing on my mind today. Another not-so-major thing, but something that TOTALLY pissed me off nonetheless, is that I had a voice mail message this morning on my cell phone from “Restricted.” I had to play the message a couple times, just to figure out exactly what it was, and my best guess is someone trying to bark like a dog or snort like a pig. Give you three guesses who I am SURE it was. Mr. South Side, YOU ARE A LOSER. How immature is that? Thank GOD I only went out with him three times. How freaking pathetic!! I may even call him later to tell him what an ASSHOLE LOSER he is. Then again, maybe not. But I really do not need to wake up to sophomoric animal noises on my cell phone. Maybe I’ll call him and tell him that my Chicago Police uncles were able to trace the restricted calls to his area, and I will be lodging a formal complaint. And that if he even THINKS of calling me again, he will be arrested so fast his thick head will spin. And know what? I’m pretty sure he’d believe me, because he is an IDIOT.

Sigh. It is only 9:13 in the am and already I am ready to go home and go to bed. Too much shit going around in my head. I wish everyone would just leave me alone!! Oh, well. Life’s an adventure, right??