You're So Vain

The other day, while driving to work, I found myself behind some jerk in a Jaguar who had license plates that read MICKJGR. I'm sure he thought he was pretty funny, but I thought it was stupid. Not only stupid, but obnoxious. Especially since the driver was a greasy-looking paunchy middle-aged guy with one arm out his window and the other hand (complete with gold nugget pinkie ring) perched on top of the steering wheel.

This morning when I dropped my daughter off at camp, one of the other mothers was yelling "AJ! Don't forget I'll pick you up late today!" I signed in my daughter, and left the building in time to see this woman take off in a car with the license plate AJRULS. What?? What kind of moron gets a vanity plate that gives their child bragging rights like that? Don't we, as parents, spend enough time trying to convince our children that WE rule, not them?? And yet, there it was, pressed forever into the regulation Illinois plate: AJRULS. I can only imagine what their home life is like.

Every time I see one of those stupid plates, I cringe. Because 90% of the time, the owners are either arrogant, obnoxious or just plain idiots. (I say 90% of the time, because I am sure there are a few people reading this who either have a vanity plate themselves, or know someone who does. Myself included: my grandfather has one that says POPPOPS, but it was a gift, and he is 91 years old and can do things like that.) Think about it - when you see a shiny red sports car with a bleached blonde bimbo in the driver's seat and the plate says QTPIE, don't you want to PUKE?? Or do you think "Oh, a cutie pie! Gee, I bet she's a great gal!" What about the moron in the old beater that has a plate that says 2HOT4U? He probably spent more on the plate than he did on the car. And true to moron style, probably thinks women will see his license plate and want to meet him.

WHY??? What is it about having a vanity plate that people find attractive? I mean, really - a vanity plate is like a tattoo: once you get it, it's there forever, and you usually get sick of it after a while. What seemed funny and cute when you got your license application is now annoying. What one guy thought would get women is now getting him shot down and laughed at. For the most part, I think they are pointless. And the kicker -
people actually pay MORE to have a vanity plate!! This kills me! People PAYING EXTRA to look like jerks!

Whatever. I guess the lesson here is "to each his own." But pardon me while I gag as my neighbor Mrs. Dentist gets into her E N ME car (which I used to think was for "enemy," and that would've been appropriate, but is actually for her daughter "E" and "me." Hurl.) I'll keep my random letters and numbers, thank you very much.