The Dating Game

As previously written in my blog, I met a new guy a couple weeks ago. Since then, he has called pretty regularly, and we went out for dinner once. As I said before, a really nice guy. We did, however, run into a somewhat problematic situation: he is EXTREMELY allergic to my cats. Which made his visit quite uncomfortable. Thankfully, he survived to tell the tale, and to my knowledge all the red bumps are gone. But this means that he won’t be able to really come out my way – I will have to trek out south to see him. Unless my current furry felines take up residency somewhere else, and we all KNOW that won’t happen. As my daughter put it, “Look, mom, we’ve had the cats for seven years, and you’ve only known him a couple weeks. And we’re NOT getting rid of my cats!” (I tend to agree on this, my boys are my babies. I suggested a “rapid-detox” type treatment, maybe putting him in a room full of cats for a week straight to build up his immunity, but he wasn’t too keen on that.)

Anyway, due to his unfortunate allergies, this weekend I am going out his way. And when I told my mother this, she went all “Dr. Phil” on me. She basically told me that I should absolutely NOT be driving out there, I should not “make it easy for him,” he should drive out here and pick me up. Which, of course, is ridiculous, since we then would be driving BACK out south. When I pointed this out, she said we should just go out to eat somewhere by my house. Ok, without going into too much detail, let’s just say that maybe we would like to (as I told mom) “hang out” afterwards. We couldn’t do that at my place, so again – we would have to head out back south. Hence my decision to just go out there myself. Apparently nice young ladies do not go to men’s houses, though, according to mom. Who, by the way, hasn’t dated since before she married my dad. Which may have been true way back when, but as I explained, I was an independent woman, and I had my own mind and made my own decisions. If I wanted to drive out there to see him, then I would. And if I got bored and wanted to drive home, well, I could do that too (although this was doubtful). Anyway, I felt mom was getting a bit too personal and judgmental, so I told her to back off. After all, I am a grown woman, and I’m pretty sure I know what I am doing here.

Well, after that conversation, mom called me back to apologize. Which really wasn’t necessary, I mean, I know she worries, and that is fine. But I’ve learned to take some of her criticism with a grain of salt. She means well, I know, but I think I know a bit more about dating in the 21st century. Or do I??

All of a sudden, I found myself thinking, “Ok, so maybe mom wasn’t completely right. But are YOU?” This dating thing is not that familiar with me any more, either. The last guy I officially “dated” was way back at the turn of the century. Have things changed? I know I have, as a person, at least. Back when I dated in high school and college, I was the pathetic doe-eyed sap who let guys walk all over her, and begged to be taken back even after being treated like shit. (I know – I really needed a good BITCH SLAPPING back then. Actually, several times over.) Finally, after having my daughter and really coming into my own as a woman (ha! Sounds impressive, doesn’t it?), I started getting more cynical, more choosy, and more self-confident. And more busy, which accounted for my lack of dates. That last guy five years ago was decent enough, until he went to Georgia on business and came back with more than jet-lag. Before he left, he told me he wanted to spend more time together, to have barbecues and talk about our future (at the barbecues??). I kind of did the old “Yeah, o-KAY. Whatever.” So I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when he told me he had “met someone special” in Georgia and she was moving in with him. But unlike in my angst-ridden youth, this time I wasn’t devastated. Pissed off, definitely. Depressed – NOT. And once again, I was single and unattached.

Now I have a guy in my life who I don’t even know what to call. How long before you call someone a “boyfriend?” (I told my daughter at least 5 dates, but that was just to make her stop with her teasing.) What is the proper etiquette on dates? Do I offer to pay for things? Is mom right – SHOULD I make him always come to me?? At what point in a relationship do you talk about the tough questions – like kids, and the future? See, my problem is, at my age, I don’t have a lot of time to fool around – if Mr. Right is out there and I’m not with him, I need to move on and keep my options open. But at the same time, I don’t want to throw away something that MAY be perfect, but isn’t quite there yet. You know, this whole thing really sucks. It’s stressful and gives me a headache. But I have to admit, I’m looking forward to seeing him again. And “hanging out.” Don’t get to do much “hanging out” as a middle aged single mom, you know?

Anyway, I guess I’ll just have to roll with it and enjoy things as they come. Unless anyone has any advice – which I am definitely open to. But not from you, Bob, if you’re reading – as my brother you’d probably just tell me to quit dating altogether, since you haven’t much liked any of my past guys. Although you have to admit – my taste is improving over time… remember Kevin?? Or Brad?? Or Dave?? Ahhhh, the good old days! (Yeah, right!!)