You know, yesterday I had a moment of clarity when I knew exactly what I wanted to write. Only it was 5:00 and I was on my way out of work. Since I no longer have the luxury of the internet at home (blame those damn viruses) the timing couldn’t have been worse, because I knew exactly what would happen. And, of course, it did. I got in the car and drove home, all the while plotting out in my mind the exact phrasing for my next entry. I found myself smiling at certain parts, and thinking, “This is going to be good!” From there I picked up my daughter, went home, cleaned up the house, made some phone calls, watched tv, and went to bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow and I started to doze off, my eyes flew open. WHAT THE HELL WAS I PLANNING ON WRITING TOMORROW??? I absolutely could not remember. Which really sucked, because I swear, it was so good. I tossed and turned for the better half of the night, trying to remember my brilliant idea, but to no avail. I don’t know what creatures are doing this to me, but I am convinced that something supernatural may be going on. Someone is wiping my brain clean, obviously to keep me from publishing thoughts that some Supreme Being wants kept secret. Kind of scary, actually. I only wish I had written down this awesome material before I was given a clean slate.
Oh well.
Since I seem to have acquired a severe case of short-term memory loss, I felt it only proper to write about something I DO remember – the past. The past actually came barreling at me this morning, when it occurred to me that today was my daughter’s last day of school. As of 10:40 this morning, she is now officially a 5th grader. Which scared me, because I can remember 5th grade like it was yesterday. And now my “baby” will be making her own memories.
My memories of 5th grade are surprisingly detailed. For whatever reason, I seem to remember things that happened 20 years ago much easier than things that happened 20 minutes ago. For instance, I remember sitting on the ledge by the windows singing the song “Peanut Butter and Jelly” with the rest of the class during lunch, just to annoy the hell out of the lunch mother. I remember starting my first novel (which for some reason paralleled The Chronicles of Narnia, or more specifically, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. My best friend and I were obsessed with that book, so my novel was pretty similar, except with different characters) but never quite finishing it (thank God - I would’ve been sued for plagiarism!). I remember doing a line dance (no, not the country line dance, the soul train line dance) with the sixth graders across the hall to “Knock on Wood” and thinking I was soooo cool (I wasn’t, by the way). I also remember having my first major crush, and having said crush sign my autograph book with a P.S. – “too bad I don’t like you.” (That killed me back then, but I’m ok now because turns out he’s gay, anyway) I also remember taking the Constitution Test, and hearing the whole class humming the Schoolhouse Rock song while taking it. I honestly think I wouldn’t have passed if it weren’t for that song. And according to our teachers back then, not only couldn’t you go to 6th grade if you failed, but you’d have to leave the country too. (Catholic schools were WAY strict)
As I reflected on my life as a 5th grader, I thought of my daughter. She seems so much older than I was back then. Then again, the world is a much different place. But even though she has the outward appearance of a “worldly” tween, I know that inside she is still only a 5th grader – and from what I remember, it was a roller coaster ride of a year. Not quite old enough for most things, but too grown up for others. Testing your limits – and your parents’. Starting to seriously think about things like boys, and social skills, and the future. She’s got a lot ahead of her, and I hope she trusts me enough to let me back her on this journey. And I’ll try to trust her enough to go part of it on her own.
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