Sometimes I wonder… why am I even here? Why do I even bother? Does anyone really care anyway? Wouldn’t so many people be so much better off if I were to just disappear forever? I feel like I’m forever running in circles… and when I’m not, it’s one step forward, two steps back. I’m tired of everything, tired of being me. Tired of nothing working out the way it should. Tired of all the stupid little roadblocks thrown in my way on a regular basis.
I’m tired of worrying about money, so I spend more. I’m tired of being overweight, so I eat more. I’m tired of being alone, so I isolate more.
I am a living paradox, and I hate it.
All I want to do is go to sleep. (But not until after “Lost” is over and I see who gets booted from “AI,” of course. THEN, I just want to sleep.) For like a million hours until I’m not tired anymore and I feel like maybe things will start to get better and maybe there IS something good on the horizon…
Melodramatic? Me?? Yeah, I guess so. But whatever, it’s how I’m feeling RIGHT NOW.
8 comments:
i would NOT be better off, thankyouverymuch, and *i* would care if you weren't here (i mean hell, at the very least, you have about eleventybillion people hanging on your every word due to TBOTE!). and then there are those of us who are upset when you don't post a regular ol' blog post every day too. :-) so. pity parties are nice and healthy from time to time, so enjoy, but dude. psh. as if.
Hang in there, kiddo. Even though some of us are strangers, I support you.
I enjoy your blog and think you are a fabulous writer (I have said as much before!)
Rest up. Things will work out...
I'm with Alice...
The world would be a much worse place without Dasi. I certainly would miss you.
Alice is totally right. Pity parties are fine and often much needed, but in reality? People need you and want you around. Duh. We, your virtual friends do. Your family does.
I echo Alice in saying "Psh. As if."
Thanks guys. I can't tell you how much it means to see comments in my inbox...! Yeah, I'll get over it. Then again, now that Chris was voted off, I'm starting to feel depressed again...
Kidding!!
Anyway, pity party is slowly ending, but thanks for the support, it’s nice to know I have people who care and aren’t afraid to let me know.
Oh Dasi! And miss your really miserable years when your daughter is 13 to 20. LOL The first kiss, the first heartbreak, the dances, the fun of having a bunch of preteens at a slumber party (trying to sneek out of the house)! Don't worry about today, dream about 5 years from now. And yes, I agree with everybody else, WE will miss you everyday. Dian
We would not be better off and we would miss you. So don't even think like that any more. Hang in there. We all have moments like these.
Ahh, the dark days and the dark moments come, but grace lies in those moments where we have clarity enough to count our blessings: I know this sounds like a cliche, but it is true. I once heard that if everyone in the world put all of their problems in a pile, and then got to walk around and look at everyone else's pile, chances are we'd go back to ours. Acknowledge the feelings, continue to write about them, and in that way, work through them.
Rather than say that the world would be better off without you, I will say that we are better off because you are in the world. You make a difference in people's lives even when you don't know it: the smile at the grocer's, holding a door for someone. We never know just how profoundly something we don't give a second thought to could a effect the life of another. Stiff upper lip, my dear!
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