Let Them Eat Grapes

I had a really great weekend. Honestly, it was a lot of fun. Saturday, Lexie and I went to opening day at Great America and rode the roller coasters for a few hours – and didn’t fight at all. Sunday I went to the Cubs game with my girlfriends, and even though it poured rain for a while and the Cubs got killed (again), we had a GREAT time. So this morning I got up and although I was a bit tired, I was in a relatively good mood. And then I opened Lexie’s lunch box and saw the grapes.

Before I get into the whole story, let me give you a quick briefing on the “grapes” situation. See, in my daughter’s lunch, every day, I pack a sandwich (generally peanut butter – no jelly), some tortilla chips, a couple cookies and some fruit. For a while, it was clementine oranges. Then strawberries. Then she started whining that she REALLY REALLY wanted grapes. Now, it is not grape season yet. Therefore, grapes cost like $3 a pound. In the summertime, they go down to like 89 cents a pound. So I told her that grapes were a bit pricey now, but summer was coming soon and as soon as they went on sale, I would get her grapes.

She kept begging.

So finally, against my better judgment, I bought her the stupid grapes. Spent like fifteen bucks on the damn things. And I put them in her lunch. She was thrilled. For the first two days, she ate them all. Then last Thursday morning, I open her lunch box and find the grapes. Sitting there, in a half-opened ziplock, untouched from when I put them in her lunch the day before. I asked her about it, and she told me she didn’t “feel” like eating them. Ok, fine, but please don’t waste them then. They cost a lot, and leaving them in her lunchbox overnight in a half-opened ziplock makes them spoil. Put them back in the fridge when you get home, ok? Ok. End of story. So the spoiled grapes went down the garbage disposal.

Then Friday morning, same thing. Grapes left in her lunch. This time, I was a bit more aggravated. “PLEASE,” I begged. “EAT the damn grapes or PUT them back in the fridge or even THROW THEM AWAY. I just do NOT want to find them rotting in your lunchbox when you asked for them special and I spent a lot of money on them!” I got a mumbled “sorry.”

Over the next full week, this happened three times out of the five days. By Friday morning, I was so pissed off I told her I wasn’t going to pack her chips or cookies, she would have her sandwich and the grapes and SHE WOULD EAT THEM. But then I felt ridiculous, and wound up giving her the chips and cookies at the last minute and telling her just PLEASE don’t let me find the grapes Monday morning.

Which brings us to this morning. Oh, yes. THE FRICKIN GRAPES WERE SITTING IN HER LUNCHBOX WHEN I OPENED IT. I lost it. What the hell was WRONG with her???? Especially after the knock-down-drag-out on Friday, she STILL left the damn grapes in her lunchbox over the weekend. I asked her if she just ENJOYED pissing her mother off. Because I couldn’t think of any other reason she continued to do this. Hell, I told her to THROW THEM OUT if she wanted, just DON’T let me find them in her lunchbox. I tried to avoid another confrontation, and she just LEFT THE DAMN THINGS. I also asked her if this is her way of reaching out to me for attention, because she certainly had my attention. Then I asked her if she had some sort of mental problem, because it made absolutely NO SENSE to me WHY she continuously did the ONE THING that she knew drove me TOTALLY INSANE. She responded, in a snarky tone, “Yeah, maybe I do have a mental problem.”

I wanted to throw her mouthy ass out the window. But I didn’t. Instead, I packed her lunch with a bag of grapes and nothing else. No sandwich, no chips, no cookies. I’ll probably get a call from the school asking why I am starving my child, but I don’t care. It’s the principle of the matter.

I just don’t understand her. I think maybe I do too much for her, and she has just come to expect things to always go her way. I let her off too easy when it comes to getting things done like cleaning her room or doing her homework, and I bend over backwards to make sure she is happy. Case in point – this whole past week, she has had a load of clothes sitting in the dryer. EVERY DAY I asked her to fold them, and WHEN did she finally fold them? Last night. After a FULL WEEK. I have also been after her to clean her room – really clean it, you know, so people can, oh, I don’t know, maybe WALK THROUGH IT without breaking an ankle. And every day she tells me, “Well, I started it…” But honestly? She’s a little liar because she hasn’t done a damn thing in that pigsty. Yet I keep my mouth shut, except to remind her to get it done, and wait.

Well, guess what? NO MORE. One of her best friends is having a birthday party on Saturday, and guess who WON’T be going? I think maybe a real punishment will make her realize that she can NOT treat her mother the way she treats me. And that she needs to start being a little (hell, a LOT) more responsible than she is. Oh, I’ll buy her friend a present, and call her friend’s mom and explain the situation so there are no hard feelings on that end, but rest assured, she will be sitting home on Saturday.

So maybe you all think I am an evil, bad mother who is just a little off her rocker for losing it over some grapes, but to you I say I DON’T CARE. I honestly think my daughter is trying to push me over the edge so right now my main concern is to save myself. And go ahead and laugh – I hope you all get the chance to deal with your very own hormonal, bitchy tween someday.

If you’ll excuse me now, I need to drink some Diet Pepsi and calm my nerves.