Let Them Eat Grapes - the Conclusion

Oh, I know you are all dying to know the denouement to yesterday’s saga, so I will indulge you. First things first:

She ate the grapes. All of them. Or maybe she DID throw them out, I guess I’ll never know for sure, but in any case I checked her lunchbox when I walked in from work and it was completely empty. Hell, I think she may have even cleaned it out – but on that I could be mistaken.

I did call her friend’s mom and left a message expressing my sincere apologies for cancelling at such a late date, but made it clear that Lexie would NOT be at the party on Saturday. Honestly, I felt kind of bad about that, but I knew that follow through was pretty important at this point. Empty threats would not help me in the long run, nor would they help her.

So anyway, I found her in her bedroom, halfheartedly cleaning (but cleaning nonetheless, a step in the right direction) and she sulkily came out and informed me that everyone in her class probably thinks she is weird now. When I asked her why that would be, she responded as follows (and if you thought the grapes in the lunch was funny yesterday, just wait, it gets better):

“When I opened my lunch, everyone kept asking, ‘Where’s the rest of your lunch? Why don’t you call your mom and ask her to bring you the rest of your lunch?’ And I just put my head down and ate my grapes and said, ‘No, it’s ok, I’m not really that hungry today.’ So now they probably all think I’m WEIRD! Why did you have to embarrass me like that at my SCHOOL?”

And I gave her the knowing mother shrug and replied, “I did not embarrass you. You brought it on yourself. Maybe you learned a lesson from this.”

So she skulked back into her room to finish cleaning.

Victory was mine! But honestly, it did NOT feel good. I mean, I don’t enjoy yelling at my daughter or punishing her. BUT, I also do not want her to think that I am her doormat, and that she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, without consequences. I mean, if I kept on letting her get away with everything, tcan you imagine the major problems I’d be staring at in a few years when she becomes a teenager? Shudder. Nope, I had to lay down the law and set some boundaries.

I proceeded to talk to both my mom and my dad on the phone (who, by the way, BOTH thought I was being WAY too hard on their precious granddaughter… HA!) and then I made dinner. After dinner, Lexie and I watched some tv together, she did her homework, and after she finished, she turned to me, and said, “Mom?”

I paused my tivo and looked at her.

“I’m not mad at you, you know. I understand. I mean, right when you picked up my lunchbox yesterday, I KNEW I was in trouble because I meant to get rid of the grapes, but I was too busy watching tv, or playing on the computer. I know I can’t go to Christina’s party, and that’s ok, but mom? I promise I’ll try to be more responsible and to listen better.”

WHAT??? I felt my eyes tear up at this unexpected Hallmark moment. I regained my composure, and told her that I loved her more than the whole world, and that I didn’t like punishing her or yelling, but that I did it because I loved her. That she had to understand that life didn’t always go the way you wanted, and you had to play by the rules. That sometimes you had to do things you didn’t want to do, just because. That sometimes you would get disappointed, but that you would manage to go on anyway. That sometimes you may not understand the rules, but you had to obey them anyway – just because they were the rules. And mostly? I wanted her to realize that all I wanted for her was a happy life, and I was going to do whatever I had to to make sure she stayed on track and didn’t make the same mistakes I did.

We actually had a pretty good talk, and I realized that no matter how angry she makes me, or how frustrated, I am pretty damn lucky. Because Lexie really is a great kid. At the end of our conversation, she told me how much she loves me too, and that she knows that I do a lot for her and she really appreciates it, even when she doesn’t say so. That I was the best mom in the world, and that she knows that I am only doing what I think is best for her. We both decided that even though her punishment will stand, we will get through the week and both work on communicating better. She promised to try harder on keeping her room clean, too. So essentially? All’s well that ends well. And I even gave her a full lunch today – with no grapes at all.