Poker Night

Let me just begin by saying this - I am awesome. Completely, utterly and totally awesome. And I'm sure each and every one of you will agree with me by the end of this blog. (If you don't, I really could care less, because I know the truth.) So let's begin...

(Author's Note: Since this story does not involve CA, AA or GA for that matter, I will NOT be using fictitious names. Besides, it gets too confusing and I don't feel like trying to remember whose psuedonym is whose. So if anyone is reading this and sees their name - deal with it. Or contact me and I'll be happy to change it if you so desire.)

On Saturday my brother had a Texas Hold 'Em tourney. Partially to raise funds for my sister-in-law's walk for breast cancer (great cause - looooong walk; kudos to Sarah!) and partially for fun and profit. Since we have become adults, my brother and I have grown closer and will actually spend time together without being forced by our mother. And believe it or not, we actually enjoy each other's company. (Although I do believe at times my brother is so intimidated by me that he doesn't want me around for fear that his friends will discover what I have known all along - that I am the cool one and he is the dork.) (All right, the honest truth is that as much as my brother loves me, he can only take me in small doses because I am so cool. Anyway, I digress. Back to my story...) So he graciously invited me to this event, knowing that I enjoy such intellectually stimulating games as poker, and that when money is involved, I enjoy it even more. Now, hold 'em, although not a new game by any definition, is a game that has really taken off since being televised. And since any celebrity who can count has tried their luck with the game on Bravo. Like a lot of people, I became sucked in by this phenomenon, and started playing online (for play money, of course. I'm not stupid.) Bob and Sarah even got me a book, which I half-read, but I still think helped me somewhat. Therefore, when I got invited, I was really excited about the whole thing. I hadn't played poker for real money in a long time, and had never played hold 'em with anyone other than computer people or celebrities on tv.

When Saturday came, I dropped off my daughter at her friend's house (no kids on poker night - no sireee!) and trekked out to my bro's in the city. When I arrived, I surreptiously checked out my competition. Some of the guys I had met before, some were new. But the bottom line was, I had no idea about any of their poker skills, so I guess I was just trying to figure out if any of them had the killer eye. I did get a little nervous when the draw was complete and we sat down to play. Bob's buddy & softball teammate Eric (Eric with a "c" not a "k") was to my left, and he was talking like he had been playing the game since diapers. Then again, my sister-in-law's sister's fiancee (who I guess would also be my brother's sister-in-law's fiancee, whichever way you prefer) was also at my table, and didn't appear very threatening. To my right was Rogers, one of Bob's college buddies that I have known for a while. He was drinking scotch, neat, so I really didn't think he was a problem. Sarah was also at my table, and since I know she is a smart cookie, I made her as a wildcard. The final players were Jim & Gil (two more softball buds), and I guy I didn't really know. After a few rounds in which Sarah (admittedly - by her) got lucky, I started to get in the zone. My fears regarding Eric were legit - he definitely knew what he was doing. And my non-fears about Luke were also right on the money - I honestly think he bluffed on every hand (once I figured that out - it was cake). Anyway, time passed and I was one of the final eight.

At the final table was myself, Bob, Clem, Jim, Eric, Gil, Julie and Katie. I found it very impressive that three of the four women made it to the final table, but I had also heard whispers about Julie and Katie being very lucky girls who didn't know how to play before that afternoon. Whether or not that was true, I don't know, both of them managed pretty well up until now, and both had more chips than I did. Julie actually was the chip leader, with Eric not far behind. Finally, after a scrumptious barbecue (the hotdogs were especially divine) it was time to shuffle up and deal. Since poor Bob only started with 900 in chips, it didn't take long for him to go out. Which actually worked out well, because he made a damn fine dealer. (Yay Bob!) I had a scare at one point, but went all in and managed to double up. From then, the shark in me took over. Jim almost cost me the game when he told Katie to call me "because she's a good bluffer" (true - and I was bluffing, but you're not supposed to tell people that, it's rude!), but by some fluke the cards turned in my favor and I won. So I let it go. (But I'm warning you Jim - next time......!!!!) Eventually, Eric and I became the final two. A worthier opponent I have never met. (And not only because this was my first live action game) But after some pulse pounding, vein-in-your-temple action, I prevailed. Hell, I KICKED ASS. Hence, my opening statement. I AM AWESOME. And $300.00 richer.

When the tournament ended, we played again, lower stakes but more relaxed. We all got to see Eric's toe (and he gave me permission to write about it) which was pretty gross. He actually has a bone growing out the side of it. I don't know exactly how the topic came up, or why he felt the need to show us his toes, but he did, so there you have it. Eric has really funky toes. Fig and I got to chat about blogging, I found him as entertaining in person as on the net. He told a very strange tale about a lady on fire, and claimed it was a joke. No one at the table seemed to think a lady on fire was really funny, but when he got to the punch line, it actually kind of was. In a sick kind of way. I just feel sorry for the lady. (To read more, go to Fig's blog and follow his link to the story - I think it's "Fun something" or "Something Fun", either way, you're smart, you'll find it.) Then Bob got bored (he lost in the 2nd game too) and pulled out his guitar. He made Gil sing, which he did - while he was playing cards. A very talented guy, that Gil. Anyone who can play cards and sing at the same time while Eric was making fun of him is pretty impressive. And those teeth - whitest I've ever seen. But if you ask Gil himself, he'll tell you his teeth really aren't that white, he just has dark lips. That went down as the quote of the night, and I don't even want to touch it. After some more laughs and cards, I felt it time to depart. I threw the game (Yes, threw it. I could've won again, but you know how sensitive the male ego is - besides, if Bob's friends didn't like me, I would never have been invited out again) and said my goodbyes.

On my way home, I was feeling pretty good and listening to the radio. I drove on auto-pilot and reflected on how nice it was to spend time with my brother and what entertaining friends he has. I only hoped they felt the same about me - even though I KICKED THEIR ASSES AT CARDS. Then I heard a radio contest and called in. Believe it or not, I was the 15th caller and won a pair of concert tickets. Nice capper to the evening!! Maraschino cherry on top, I thought! "You and a guest will be attending the Survivor concert in Mokena!" the dj told me. (No, Fig, not the cool Survivor. The stupid "eye of the Tiger" Survivor. In Mokena. Where the hell is Mokena anyway??) I tried to act excited, but I don't think the dj really bought it. He knew that 2 $15 tickets to see a band that wasn't even popular in the decade they were supposed to be popular was a pretty crappy prize. Bottom line was, my luck was still good, in a backhanded kind of way. Long story short, I took that as a sign to go the boat, which I did, and proceeded to win $12 at craps, and lose $20 on a slot machine. I wound up $8 in the hole total, which I realized was because it was now after midnight and my lucky day was over. So I went home and went to bed, dreaming of Gordon, Moneymaker, Hellmuth and myself at a final table - and guess who was the chip leader???????