You know, I am beginning to have SERIOUS doubts as to the direction in which this blog is going. But I just can't seem to help myself. In any case, I will try to keep this as lighthearted as possible, and PROMISE to get back to humorous fluff after this entry.
Yesterday I happened to be reading the obituaries, looking for my name. I do this on a pretty much daily basis, just to make sure I am still alive. Because let's face it, no one knows what happens after you die, and maybe when you die you think you are still alive when the rest of the world thinks you are dead. So if I ever do see my name in the obits, I will know I am dead. Which actually would really suck, because I don't really know what I would do from that point. I mean, Patrick Swayze found Whoopi to help him out and all, but who even knows if that would work. Not finding Whoopi, but finding a psychic, period. Anyway, I digress. While I was reading the obits, I came across a familiar name. A name of someone in the motley crew who I hadn't seen in quite a while. I felt my heart skip a beat, then I clicked to the actual notice. Turned out it wasn't V, but his father. Sorry as I was to hear of his father's passing, I have to admit I let out a sigh of relief to know it wasn't him. The wake was that evening, and I realized that I wouldn't be staying home watching tv after all. This guy had been a friend to me and helped me through a lot of tough times, and I knew that I had to be there for him now.
In my previous post on the motley crew, I gave a pretty general overview of the crowd. But in our little "clique" were some pretty special people. People who made me laugh, listened to me cry, and gave me strength when I didn't think I had any left. I don't know how exactly we drifted apart, it probably had a lot to do with my decision to join the outside world on my own and leave behind 12 step. Even though I knew it was the right thing for me to do, it did strain some relationships. And honestly, whether we stayed in the program or not, things changed for all of us in life, as they have a tendency to do. People grow and change, and sometimes without even realizing it, years go by and you start having conversations in your head that start something like "Gee, whatever happened to...." But as soon as I saw that name in the paper, all the memories came flooding back, and I realized that although time had passed I still had the same love for my old friends that I did back in the beginning. You just don't sever ties that strong, you can't. Going through something as tough and as life-changing as recovery together binds people in a way that people who are "normal" could never understand.
So after work, I got myself and my daughter changed and we made the trek out to the south side to pay our respects. When we got there, C was the first person I saw. He was standing outside, and when I parked and got out of the car, it was like I never really left the old days. I got a big hug (I only don't like them from strangers, remember??) and after exchanging some "you look good" and "gosh, it's good to see you again"s I went inside. I literally ran into V as I was going in, and when I said his name, he looked at me in amazement and said "Wow! What are you doing here?" After an awkward moment (ummm, why was I there??) I told him after all he had done for me, I wanted to be there for him. Big hug, again. He introduced me to his wife, and I re-introduced him to my daughter. I think he last saw her when she was like 2! Then I saw P standing off to the side. More hugs, more "God, how are you??"s and lots of smiles, even at a sad time. I was really glad I came.
The four of us chatted for a while about people we knew, and how our lives were now. All of us were healthy and happy and doing well, which was a wonderful thing. V and P both lived out of state, C still in the old neighborhood. But everyone was gainfully employed and looked great. Time had changed us all in the way that it does, but on the inside, we were all the same friends we had known for what seemed like forever. We exchanged information, and promised to keep in touch. I can only speak for myself, but I really hope we all do. As we learned in the program, you can't change the past, but you should look to the future. These guys were a huge part of my past - and without them, I may not even have had a future. Gratitude was a big thing in the program too, and although I am grateful every single day of my life, I haven't felt it that strongly in a while. I was truly grateful to have reconnected with my old friends.
All of us will certainly continue on with our lives in the manner that we have become accustomed to, and the fact remains that two of the guys are living out of state. But there is still e-mail, and the phone, and even though I got lost going to the wake, I can usually manage directions pretty well while driving. So, guys, if you're reading this, I hope that we can all stay in better touch. You're awesome. And to everyone else - never take anyone for granted. Especially friends.
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