Krispy Kreme Konspiracy

I enjoy Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. Who doesn’t, right? I mean, they have got to be some of the tastiest doughnuts in the world. Ever since I tried my first Krispy Kreme in the late 20th century (that would be around 1999), I have been hooked. When I found out shortly after I moved to the burbs that they were building a new one about 15 minutes away from my house, I was overjoyed. My daughter had never had one, and I couldn’t wait for her to try one. When she finally did, she was hooked too. What child wouldn’t be? Sticky-sweet and fluffy, these doughnuts were like the solid version of cotton candy. And probably had just as much sugar. Anyway, since the Krispy Kreme was close enough to our house to justify making the trip, but far enough away not to go all the time, it became a special treat for us to get KKs on the odd weekend morning. (As I had no desire to go into sugar shock, these odd weekend mornings were once every month or two) For a while, life was good. Then one morning back in March, everything changed. (Insert ominous music here)

I still don’t exactly know what happened, or how it came to be, but I have a sneaking suspicion that aliens are somehow involved. I mean, when you hear this story, you’ll understand why. Either aliens, or a higher power that doesn’t want me to eat Krispy Kremes anymore. You be the judge.

It was a Sunday morning, and a good day for KKs. So I snuck out of the house very early while my daughter still slept so I could surprise her. I went to the drive-thru, and ordered four original, four raspberry filled, and four sprinkles. The cashier was chipper and friendly, took my money, gave me my change and the precious green and white box. With a thank you and a smile, I was on my way back home.

When I arrived home, my daughter was still asleep, so I woke her up and told her what I had gotten for breakfast. She jumped out of bed, and we both went to the kitchen to have our sugar fix. I opened the box, and WHOA!!!! What was this?? These were not the KKs I ordered! There were two original, some weird cinnamon scented ones, a couple kreme filled… no raspberry or sprinkles at all! My daughter, ever the easygoing type, grabbed the two original KKs and a plate and headed off to watch tv. I, on the other hand, was upset and confused. These were not my doughnuts! I located the number for the store and dialed. When I explained the situation to the person on the phone, I was told to come back to have it fixed. At this point, I did not want to drive all the way back again, so I told the guy I was too far away, and couldn’t return today. And he told me, “Well, if you won’t come back, there’s nothing I can do.” And hung up. I was floored. In my many years on this earth, I have spent a number of them in the food service industry and in customer service, and I know very well that you ALWAYS make the customer happy, no matter what. And this guy did NOT make me happy. “Nothing I can do”???? I don’t think so!! But I decided not to push it, and tried a new KK flavor (which I didn’t even like). Disappointed, I tossed the rest of the box since my daughter didn’t like the others either, and figured maybe we’d try again the following weekend.

It was another nice Sunday morning, albeit a little cold, when I again ventured out to KK. My daughter was awake this time and had a friend over who had spent the night. The two of them (ok, and me too) were looking forward to breakfast. Again I went through the drive-thru, this time ordering 2 dozen, 1 dozen original and 1 dozen assorted: four sprinkles, four raspberry, and four chocolate frosted. I repeated my order, the tinny voice on the speaker confirmed it, and I proceeded on to the window. Again, happy cashier, happy money, happy change, happy doughnuts. Only his time, before I pulled away, I opened the box. Inside I found three, not four, sprinkle doughnuts. Now, for any of you who have kids, you know this is a big deal. You cannot have an uneven number of anything in order to avoid the classic “how come she got more than me/those are my favorite too” argument. So I went back inside and explained the situation. Actually, I was a little ticked off, since this was the second time they screwed up my order. And I told them so. Again, very nonchalantly, they apologized and corrected their error. But they didn’t seem to really care too much. So while I was driving home, I called the toll free number to corporate.

The rep was very nice and sympathetic, and told me she would send me a coupon for a free dozen doughnuts. She also told me she would speak to the manager of the store about the situation. Fine. I was satisfied, damage control successful. And we got to eat our doughnuts in peace once I got home.

The next day, I had a call on my voice mail from the manager of the KK. He apologized profusely and asked if I could please return his call as he would like to speak to me directly. When I called him, he asked me again exactly what happened, and when I told him about both incidents, he again apologized over and over. Then he did what any good manager will tell you is the best way to keep the customer happy – he asked me what he could do to keep my business and make me happy. I told him the coupon was fine, but he insisted that he could do more, that I deserved it and he wanted to. I honestly didn’t want anything else, and I told him so. Then he asked if I go to church. (This kind of threw me, because I don’t, and I wondered if maybe God played into Krispy Kreme somehow.) I guess my pause was a good enough answer, because then he asked if my daughter had any sports teams or clubs on the weekends. I told him that in fact, my daughter bowled on Saturday mornings, to which he replied, “Good! How about ten dozen doughnuts for her bowling league?” Well, now, let me say right here that I would’ve been crazy to turn down ten dozen KKs. Even though I kept telling him that it wasn’t necessary. I mean, yes, there were two mix ups, but it wasn’t like anyone died or anything. But he insisted even while I wrestled with the demons in my head (“TEN DOZEN DOUGHNUTS!! YUMMY!!!” “Don’t do it!! Think of the CALORIES! Think of the FAT!! Think of the CARBS!!!!!”) and I finally relented, agreeing to pick up the doughnuts the following Saturday morning before bowling (after all, they would be for the KIDS, not me, right??). The manager seemed relieved and happy, and said he looked forward to apologizing in person.

The bowling doughnuts were a huge success, and I told all the parents what happened. They were pretty impressed at the fact that the manager went to so much trouble to make me happy again, and the kids – well, mixed results with the kids. Apparently sugar improves some bowling games and screws up others. There was one girl who actually told me that the 7 KKs she ate made her score her highest game yet. (Right after she said that, her mother asked her if she took her ADD meds that morning – she didn’t. From the look I got from her mom, I guess KKs aren’t the best thing for kids with ADD, high score or not. Especially 7 of them) When bowling was over, I sent the remaining few doughnuts home with other families (at that point, even the SMELL of KKs was making me nauseous) and went home to puke. Too much of a good thing and all that.

Obviously, it took a while to even think of KKs again, so the coupon I got from corporate sat on my dresser for about a month or so. Then I finally got the urge. Again on a Sunday, I drove out and ordered my doughnuts. They had a new doughnut which looked good, so I ordered 2 strawberry shortcake, 6 original, 2 raspberry, 2 sprinkle. Handed over my coupon, got my doughnuts, drove home. I decided to try the new strawberry shortcake first. Bit into it – hmmmm, this is wierd, this tastes more like NEW YORK CHEESECAKE!!! Which I don’t even LIKE!! I spit out the offending doughnut and checked the other one in the box. NEW YORK CHEESECAKE!! Again, I had received the wrong doughnuts. I called the store, and this time spoke to the assistant manager. I told him what had happened, that I had actually purchased these doughnuts with a coupon I received because I had problems before. He apologized, and told me next time to tell the cashier the doughnuts were on him, and he hoped I would give them another chance. I told him that maybe they had better talk to their employees and make sure they were getting orders right. I even (nicely) suggested that maybe when customers pull up to pick up their doughnuts, the cashier should review what their order was. He agreed with me, and I hung up. Three times!! Must be a record, right? Until last weekend…

Again, drove up, ordered, picked up. Oh, wait, before I picked up, I was told that they were out of raspberry doughnuts. (Out?? They make the doughnuts on site and it was 9:45 on a Sunday morning! Ok, deep breath. Whatever. Give me strawberry shortcake instead.) Told the cashier the assistant mgr said the doughnuts were on him. No problem, thank you, have a nice day. Pulled over before I turned out of the lot – can you guess what happened? Instead of four strawberry shortcake doughnuts, there were four NEW YORK CHEESECAKE doughnuts mocking me from inside the box. I let out a primal scream of frustration and stormed into the store and threw the box on the counter. “DO YOU NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NEW YORK CHEESECAKE AND STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE?????” I yelled. A female employee looked in the box and said, “Yes. Those are New York Cheesecake.” And smiled at me. At this point, I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. Four times of ****ups. FOUR. I shook my head at the girl. “I wanted STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE. This is the FOURTH time you people have screwed up my order and this will be the LAST time I come here!!! Tell XXXXXX and XXXXXX (names hidden to protect the innocent – well, sort of innocent. They tried.) thank you for their consideration, but since their employees keep SCREWING UP I will NOT be back!!!!” The cashier quickly scrambled to fix the mistake, but this time I meant it. I was done. I took the corrected box of doughnuts to my car and once again called corporate. I told them I did NOT want any more free doughnuts, because they were never the RIGHT doughnuts anyway! The rep seemed very concerned about the pattern that was forming here, and said she would have the mgr call me. NO NO NO!! No more doughnuts!! No more managers!! NO MORE KRISPY KREME!!! But she didn’t listen and now I have another message from a new manager on my voice mail begging me to call him back to “further discuss this matter.”

So right now, I am avoiding the manager. I don’t want apologies, I don’t want explanations, I don’t want doughnuts. I want my sanity back, which I feel I have lost since I don’t know anyone else who has had something like this happen FOUR times. In a row. Like I said in the beginning, must be aliens. Or a higher power. Either way, I am DONE with Krispy Kreme.

Then again, I can always get them at Jewel, right?