I'M BAAAAACK!!

Ok, first I would like to apologize for my blatant disregard for the obvious disappointment I have caused by failing to write in this blog. In my defense, I was in a really bad funk over the past week, and probably wouldn’t have written anything that entertaining anyway. Scorpios are prone to be moody – and this particular Scorpio can take things to the next level, if you know what I mean. But once I decided that there is nothing I can do about the fact that my car needed two new tires and an alignment, or about the pipes from my bathtub that are supposedly leaking into the downstairs unit, or about the camera that got broken at my cousin’s wedding and realized that yes, my life DOES suck at times, but everyone else’s does too, well, the pity party came to an end and I took a page from Joel’s book in Risky Business – “Sometimes you just gotta say what the fuck?”

Anyway. In the midst of my funk I also came to another conclusion – I am one of those people who is just better off on their own. I ended my internet search for the elusive love of my life, after what proved to be a pretty insane journey. Mr. Pilot never responded after his initial e-mail, Mr. Cutie turned out to be too immature and idealistic (yet even after I sent him a very nice “it’s-not-you-it’s-me” e-mail, continued to plead with me to give him a chance, because he really felt a “connection.” All-righty, then, you are now officially “Mr. Pathetic”), and the only really normal nice guy I met took me out for dinner exactly once, and never called again. Suddenly my exciting new foray into the dating world turned out to be depressing, and once again found me reverting back to my old jaded self. AND Mr. South Side obviously CANNOT take a hint. The man is driving me freaking INSANE. If I hear his ring tone on my phone (which I recently changed from “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” to “Leave (Get Out)”) one more time, I will throw my phone against the wall. Ok, I probably won’t do that, because then I would break my phone. But I’d like to, anyway. The other night, since I have not been calling him at all, he left me a message on my voice mail that said only, “You don’t love me anymore.” HELLO?!?!? I NEVER LOVED YOU TO BEGIN WITH!!! Note to self – do NOT continue any kind of relationship with a guy just because you miss “hanging out.” You can “hang out” all by yourself if you really need to, and don’t have to put up with whiny, clingy men. My brother told me I need to confront him directly, that we both need closure. Only problem is, every time I talk to him on the phone, I actually feel sorry for the guy. And I have only seen him FOUR times since we met almost two months ago. I really think that the eight and ten year relationships he told me he was involved in weren’t really relationships at all, I think these poor women were in the same boat I am now and just couldn’t break up with him. They probably just talked on the phone for 8 or 10 years, until the girl finally changed her number or something. Seriously. I really think that.

So once again, I am back to my normal self (or as normal as I can get) and will hopefully not fall into the depths of despair again in the near future. I must say, though, it was really nice knowing that people were concerned about me. As you know from my “fears” blog, I have a real issue with people not liking me. Well, as it turns out, there are pretty many who really do. Like me, that is. Which is a good feeling when you feel like nothing is going right and your life is crap. Although I think some people may have been a bit overly concerned, case in point, when my aunt called me at work and greeted me with “So, your dad tells me you’re suicidal.” (Hey, what truly talented writer HASN’T been suicidal at some point in their life? Of course, usually it is just a front to look dramatic and angst-ridden.) (By the way, I WASN’T suicidal, life is far too interesting to stop being a part of now.)

So there you have it. My first blog after the creative drought. I will try to avoid any further interruptions, but please have patience with me if there are. I’m still only human, after all.