I Done Good!

Well, since I forwarded my reunion survey and included a link to my humble blog, it appears I have indeed attracted several new visitors. And I also received several e-mails from old classmates, all of which I greatly appreciated. One of said e-mails included the line “you seem to have done well for yourself.” When I saw that, I actually laughed out loud. Because, well, I never really thought I did. I mean, here are my fellow classmates, pretty much all of whom are married, with happy families, college degrees up the wazoo, impressive job titles and hobbies and interests – and then there’s me. Still single (although I’m really not complaining too much about that – well, usually!), dropped out (ok, advised to leave) college without receiving any fancy letters after my name, paralegal with no paralegal certification (read – intelligent, yet glorified secretary) slash Red Lobster waitress who has more shows on my tivo than time to watch. And not because I have no time, mind you, but because I am hooked on EVERY tv show created. Almost.

But then I started thinking… maybe I didn’t do well for myself in conventional terms, but in the grand scheme of things, I guess I did. Because of my little detours through life, I have faced more obstacles than most people ever will. I went from the Catholic school honor roll student to the high school/college wannabe “cool” girl (but instead was just the hanger-on who put up with all the teasing and “joking around” just to be accepted) to the even more insecure girlfriend of a drug addict to a drug addict myself… and then finally to a survivor. A survivor in the truest sense of the word – because I fought like hell to overcome my addiction and build a life for myself and my daughter on my own. In recovery I met a lot of people, and the sad truth is that a lot of them never managed to completely kick the habit. I’ve been to the funerals of several. I’ve heard nightmarish stories about others. And I thank God that I was able to stay clean. And? I pray for the strength to stay clean. Because even almost a dozen years later, I don’t know what I would do if anyone offered me a hit. Or a line. Sure, I drink, I don’t believe one addiction necessarily constitutes abstinence from everything, but I have never put myself in a position where I may have to test my resolve where cocaine is concerned. Scary thing is, working at Red Lobster especially puts me in a place where I know damn well there may be a situation thrown at me involving coke, since most of my coworkers are just slightly (ha!) younger than me, and I remember how invincible twenty-somethings feel. Not that I hang out with them or anything, (although I did go to a party once… that is one story I’ll have to share!) but if I do go to a party or something I have to remember where I came from and act accordingly.

Wow – that was heavy stuff. I guess what I’m trying to say while I sidetrack myself is that I did do well for myself. I’m proud of the person I am, the employee I am, the mother and sister and daughter I am. I’m proud of what I accomplished, even though to some it may not seem like much. Because I did it myself – busted my ass, in fact. And will continue to do so because that’s the kind of person I am.

Oh, and? If any of the hostesses from RL are reading this – you do think I’m pretty cool, right? Because my daughter told me you were only being nice to me because I am old. Which I’m not, of course. Old, that is. I am so definitely cool.