Standing Up for Myself

I can’t remember the last time I was this upset – this FRUSTRATED and ANGRY. I had a really hard time sleeping last night because my mind was racing, going over everything that happened and getting more and more pissed off. And even today, I am still upset. It may sound stupid, and you may think I am overreacting, but I have a tendency to take things like this very seriously. Especially when I feel personally attacked, as I do in this situation. So enough of the prelude, here is what happened.

As you all know, I have been at RL for just over four months now. And I enjoy it. Really I do. But honestly? I am frickin’ exhausted. I am pushing 40 and working over 60 hours a week, 20 plus on my feet running around. But I deal. Because, well, I want/need the money, and I am good at serving. I know this because I am told so by my guests and by my managers. Well, some of the managers, at least. In any case, I have no problem working the hours if the money is there, and Lexie has been a real trooper through the whole transition. Although that, too, has been hard. It’s actually part of the reason for the whole puppy thing, sort of a “keep her busy” project when summer starts. ANYWAY.

On several occasions, I have been in situations where I either have a table finishing or leaving, and no other tables at all. Which means that I hadn’t been “sat” in a while, since my most recent table is ready to leave. When this happens, it is usually a bit later in the evening, or if not, ridiculously slow. So I tend to do my “sidework,” clean off my tables, and look forward to getting home to Lexie. And then: I get sat. And almost immediately after I have greeted this new table, I get told that I am “cut” – which means the hostesses won’t be seating me any more and I am finished for the night – that is, when this new table has eaten, paid, and left. This burns the HELL out of me, and I have told the managers as much on several occasions. For those of you not in the service industry, let me explain why.

Servers do get paid an hourly rate, but their major income is from tips. The hourly rate for servers is currently $3.90 an hour. And The Man takes taxes out of both your hourly wage AND what your tip calculation is, based on your sales for the night. Besides this, servers have to “tip out” both the busboy and the bartender, 10% of your alcohol sales to the bar, and a minimum of $3 to the busboy, generally more if they are extra helpful. So when you have one table at the end of your shift, and no others, you will probably be on the clock for at least another hour – waiting for one tip which generally is about $5 - $7, out of which you may have to tip the bar (if they are drinking) and honestly? My time is worth more than $5 an hour. Especially if it is during the week and I have been working since 8:30 am and have a daughter to get home to. But besides complaining to the managers, there isn’t much you can do. Which REALLY sucks. And? I am not the only server this happens to, and certainly not the only one irritated (to put it lightly) by the whole thing.

So last night is incredibly slow. But even so, I manage to get five tables sat pretty much one after the other – only it is two singles and three deuces. (Even though at RL it is pretty much FORBIDDEN for a server to have more than 3 tables at a time – remember that fact.) All small checks. And due to a mixup with a new server, I end up taking a table that was supposed to be hers – only they had been sitting there for like ten minutes. I do my best to schmooze them and yet? $4 on a $60 check. Yes, dear readers, BAD tip night. Which happens – whatever. So my last two tables are finishing up, one pays and leaves, the other asks for containers for their leftovers. By now it is about 8:30, and we close at 10:00. Not much happening on a Tuesday night. When I come back with the containers, I notice that the hostess is leading an old man to my station. ONE DAMN OLD MAN who has a newspaper, no less. And here I am, sidework done, finishing up my last table at 8:30 on a Tuesday night. I can feel the flushing start in my face, but I calm myself and walk up to the manager in front and ask, “Ok, Matt? Why did they just seat me a single when I have no other tables? I mean, am I going to be cut now and be stuck with just this one guy?”

Matt was a bit flustered – he’s a young guy. “Well, um, I mean, you’re not cut yet… but yeah, probably really soon…”

“Ok, so why seat me a single? I really don’t want to hang around for another hour or two waiting for ONE GUY. Besides, this is the third single I’ve had tonight, and I’ve made no money whatsoever.”

“Yeah, well… see, your station was the most accommodating, so we had to seat it…”

At this point, another server, Jim (bless his heart) jumps in and says, “I’ll take him, dasi.”

But I tell him don’t worry about it, because he is on the other side of the restaurant. I instead approach a closing server, and ask him if he will take the table so I can go home. He is very good about it and understands completely. “Absolutely,” he says. “Why would you want to hang around for a single? I’ve got it, don’t worry.”

I thank him profusely, and finish up the rest of my work.

But then I am accosted my Matt. With a whole “You-can’t-do-that-that-was-your-table-and-you-weren’t-cut-yet-and-I-said-so-and-now-you-broke-the-rules” tirade.

I try to explain my situation, that I gave the table to a closer, which is often done by other servers, and I didn’t see the big deal.

“They’re not supposed to do that either. You weren’t cut, and since you start at 5:30, you have to stay on later to make it fair to the other servers who come in at 4:00 or who work splits.”

Ok, temper: check. Deep breath. “Matt,” I explain calmly, “as Chris (our GM) knows, I work a full-time job during the day. THAT is why I start at 5:30. I am not a kid whose only job is serving. And honestly? I get tired after about twelve hours in a row working. But that’s not the problem – I just do not want to waste my time hanging around for $3.”

More blather about “you can’t do that” and so I agreed that if I found myself in that situation again I would talk to a manager first. “Well, I have something for you before you leave tonight. Don’t leave before you see me,” he warned, and stalked off.

That “something?” A Written Warning. Which blew my mind. I told him and Zach (the other manager on duty) that I did NOT agree with this, that I thought it was unfair, and I was told that I had to sign it, but there was room for my comments. So you bet your sweet ASS I commented.

And after reading my comments, the two managers tried to rationalize and justify the write up by saying “if other servers are doing this too, we need to let them know. This isn’t just about you.” Oh, so I’M the scapegoat?? Was a Written Warning REALLY necessary?? I let them babble about guest service and hostesses needing to know who had what tables and not being fair to anyone else in the restaurant by my “misdeed.” I came back with the problems of “seating-then-cutting” and argued that the process wasn’t fair. The end result? The write-up stuck, but I think I made the managers uncomfortable with my ability to stand up for myself and not just shuffle my feet and mumble “ok, sorry, guys.”

I left with tears burning my eyes because it was so damn HUMILIATING to be treated like a grammar school kid getting a checkmark for bad behavior on their report card, especially by managers at least ten years my junior. And because I STILL don’t think it was fair. And like I said, I couldn’t sleep either, I kept tossing and turning and wondering if it all was worth it. Maybe I forego the new car and buy a used one, maybe we shine the puppy for now, and maybe I put RL in my past permanently. Maybe two jobs IS too much, and I know I DEFINITELY don’t need any more bullshit in my life.

I plan to discuss this with Chris, the GM, before my shift starts today. I have a lot of questions about Matt and Zach’s theories – such as, if they are so worried about guest dissatisfaction by having too many tables per server, why was I sat five tables? And what about when servers rotate in their sections (which they often do)? They don’t tell the managers or hostesses about that, how can they know who has what tables then? And does he really think that I am wrong about the “seat-and-cut” problem? Most importantly, does he think I am not a good server? If he can’t placate me, and make me understand why I should stay, maybe I will end my RL career. Because you know what? I have been through too much in my life to let some power trippy junior managers crush my spirit. Screw that.

Oh – and as far as the day job? Satan says we’re here till November.

Over and out.