What's Really Important

So on Christmas Eve, my uncle passed away suddenly. The odd thing was, it seemed almost surreal. He had been in a nursing home for years, suffering with dementia. I hadn’t even seen him in I can’t remember how long. Still, he was my uncle, and I have fond memories from when I was growing up, and of course, I loved him.

He was my father’s sister’s husband, and he was a good man. At the funeral, a different aunt gave a beautiful eulogy all about his life – meeting my aunt, raising my cousins… I got a different perspective of the man he was, and learned some things I had never known. Then my other aunt, his wife, got up and spoke. It was then that pretty much the whole church lost it.

She explained that the man in the casket wasn’t her husband – that her husband had been gone for a long time now. That as much as she loved him, she was glad that he had finally found peace – that they all could have peace now. And that she truly believed that his final gift to her was bringing her whole family together at Christmas.

You see, her one son, my cousin, hadn’t been to a family function in years. About four, I think. I’m not really sure of what exactly happened, but whatever it was it was enough to piss people off to the extent of doing the whole “I’m not talking to you” thing. But obviously, he was at his father’s wake and funeral. With his wife and two beautiful daughters in tow. I can’t tell you how great it was to see him there. Any bad feelings seemed to have melted away. There was a lot of talk about “never letting the family break apart again” and exchanging of phone numbers between numerous cousins. And really, I think everyone meant it.

Sometimes it seems people take so much for granted in life. I know I am guilty of forgetting to return phone calls, making plans that never seem to pan out, promising to e-mail or write or call and neglecting to do so because “I’ve just been so busy!” But what most of us don’t seem to realize is that time is so precious, and family and friends even more so…

Death is usually never expected, and yet although we all know that someday the people we love will die, when it happens it still causes a pain that is almost unbearable. And it often leads to regrets, and sometimes guilt – “I wish I had called him/her more often,” “You know, I had planned on visiting just last week, but something came up…” “I never said I love you.”

I don’t want to have any regrets. I want everyone in my life to know how much they mean to me – and how much I love them. I want to spend time with my family and friends and laugh and reminisce and make new memories. I never want to feel like keeping in touch is a chore, or making time for family and friends is a hassle. I want to make the most out of every minute I have.

So I guess this is kind of my New Year’s Resolution, as well. To all my cousins whose numbers I got at the luncheon – I am going to call, and we will get together. To all my cyberpals – you mean so much more to me than any of you know. Your comments and your own writings put a smile on my face every day and let me know you care. And to all my family and “real” friends reading this – I love you all. And how about lunch someday soon? Finally, to Uncle Don – rest in peace. And thank you for opening my eyes to what is really important in life.