When did I get so old? Why don't I really have fun any more when I go out drinking? Why do I always feel so insecure and worry that people really don't like me - even people who I shouldn't really care about?
Why are some people so filled with judgment and hate and bitterness? Why can't people just move forward in life without dwelling on the past - especially the past from ten or twenty years ago?
What is the real purpose in life? Am I really supposed to just keep busting my ass for 50 - 60 hours a week at work just to pay bills that keep on coming FOREVER? Why is it that my daughter doesn't seem to want to talk to me about anything anymore?
Why do I watch so damn much tv? And really enjoy it? Why do I never seem to have the energy to go out and actually DO things?
Why am I so lonely for male companionship, but at the same time so afraid to make any kind of effort towards actually connecting with someone?
Why am I so jealous of people whose lives seem so much better than mine - when chances are, they probably aren't?
Why do I feel like everything in my life is slowly falling out of my grip... and that I am destined to be alone and have nothing in the end?
Why can't I set aside just a few minutes a day to write more on here?
Why can't I just finish "TBOTE?"
Why do I care so much about what the "younger kids" at RL think about me? Why do I still feel like the dork in high school that everyone laughs about behind my back?
Why can't I commit to an exercise program and get into better shape?
Why do I still not feel good enough around my dad?
Why do I always put off calling or e-mailing people I really care about - especially when I really need to talk to someone?
Like I said - nonsensical babble. Have to go to work now. Missed you too, Ranger Tom - and anyone else who actually is still out there for me...!
4 comments:
i don't think i'll ever REALLY stop feeling like the nerdy highschool kid who's just occasionally fooling people into thinking she's cool. wearing these damn glasses for the past 2 weeks sure hasn't helped that!!
Gee, do you think you feel that way because you're, you know, human? Because just about everyone I know feels that way, one time or another. It's just a thing that people go through, you know?
Hang in there and remember that you're not alone.
The answers to all your questions seem obvious. Maybe it's just me, but you do sound like a real loser. Sorry, but just being honest.
So why you are posting anonymously? I guess it takes one to know one, huh? Thank God I am intelligent enough to realize that everyone has "those" days, and that I am an amazing, strong woman who unfortunately has to put up with assholes like you from time to time. Have a nice day!
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