I want to write. I WANT to write. I want to write about the party I went to Saturday night, and how it was fun but bittersweet at the same time, because I’m not the same person I was all those years ago. I want to write more of my novel, I want to FINISH my novel, for God’s sake. I want to write about my upcoming reunion, and how I’m really excited to see all the people I went to grade school with, but how I’m also afraid they won’t like who I am now. I want to write about the fact that today is one of my high school best friend’s birthday, but the last time I saw her was a few years ago and we lost touch… which kind of bums me out. I want to write about a documentary I watched the other day on HBO about a girl in Canada who is a crack addict and can’t stop. I want to write about my daughter who is growing up so fast that it is killing me trying to teach her independence and yet protect her at the same time.
I want to write – but I can’t. And all these thoughts in my head are making me crazy just itching to get out, yet my fingers don’t seem to want to cooperate in the typing department. And when they DO – the thoughts get so jumbled they just don’t seem to come out right. At all.
I hate this. I really do. But I can’t force myself to write, therefore I will continue to wait out this drought and hope that someday I can get myself back on track. Soon.
3 comments:
Ditto.
I totally get it. Although I have found that sometimes just writing, not matter how jumbled it seems, proves to be a good start. It clears out the jumble in your head, and then you can go "de-jumble" it the way you want it to be. Good for the writing and the head.
im right there with you, sister. and i hate this depressed feeling i get when i dont write...but i can't. it's killing me.
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